Seriously Frustrated

I have to share that I am really frustrated with airline companies right now. Apparently they no longer work with people on their airline flights when there is a medical emergency. See, my dad is going to be having an angioplasty and a stint put in on Friday morning. This was not known when I booked my flight to California 2 months ago. I have been trying to work with and talk to the airline company and they are going to charge me $227 to stay until Sunday to be with my dad. I could buy another plane ticket for less...this is completely ridiculous. I don't understand. Anyway it is needless to say that I am really annoyed right now, as well as frustrated, angry and stressed. Now my dad has to do this on his own.

Christmas in the OC

Bethany and I went to the beach on Christmas Eve...it was fantastic. The sun was shining and people were smiling. I have to say that the beach still is my favorite place. It was really an awesome day to spend with my cousin who I haven't seen in a long time. We hung out, ate some Chipotle and went to the Christmas Eve service at Shoreline. After that it was off to Animal Beach in Dana Point. I have to say it is still one of the most amazing beaches I have ever seen. The way the moon hits the waves as they crash creates these dark blue wave. It is truly amazing. I have come to wonder what animal beach looks like during the day though. (I always go late at night). Anyway...here are some pictures of out day at the beach.

Crazy times in California

Well, I flew into California on Wednesday night and I don't think that I have stopped since I have been here.
Here is a rundown of what has happened.
Wed
-flew in on Wed night to Ontario airport.
-went to in and out
-got to the OC at about 11pm and went to bed.
Thurs
- Picked up my dad at 8am to head to the Long Beach VA hospital for a angiogram
-Dropped my dad off and headed to Fountain Valley for lung with my Aunt and Uncle
- Took my little buddy to Starbucks and visited my 3 friends that work there in the process
- Dropped my little buddy off
- Picked up my dad at the hospital and took him home
- got Matt some Starbucks
- Came home, got stuff together and drove out to San Bernadino to see my sister
- Talked with my sister for a while and fell asleep at about midnight
Fri
- made Fudge until 3pm with my sister
- drove back to the OC
- Went to the Young Adults Christmas party at Shoreline
- Go to go on a harbor cruise and look at the Christmas lights (the highlight of my night)
- Stopped by the youth all nighter to say hi and ended up being there until 2am.
Sat
-Up at 9am and talk to grandma for about half an hour
- has lunch with Jessica
-Went to Coffee Bean and read some of my book
- Went to downtown HB with Lizzy
- Went to Katelynns and watched "It's a Wonderful Life" (my favorite movie of all time)

So that is what I have done since I have been back in California. Tomorrow I am going to be going to Church and lunch with like half the church...I still have a week and a half of people to see and things to do.

Taking White Space to a New Place

Today I decided to have a little white space time. If you don't know what "white space" is it is that time in your life that you spend with God in between the lines of daily life, letting God into those places, the margins, between the words. This morning I woke up and instead of doing my Lectio Divina decided that I would read some of the book "Story" that I was only about 30 pages into.

Well, "Story" engulfed me. I read and read and read some more until the book was completely done, when it was over I was trembling, literally. The experience, the thought, the emotion that began to come up from inside me was amazing. I read a story that I thought I knew, creation, Israelites, God, Christ, birth, death, Resurrection, life. I knew all of this, but somehow I came to revisit all of this in a new way, an exciting, hopeful and amazing way. All this to say that the Story is something that we should all revisit. We all need to remember how everything fits together. Not three points to this truth and twelve ways to live a better life or have a better family, but the true reason for at least why I am here. Hope, love, life, death, excitement, amazement, sacrifice and choice. That is it that is the reason. Or as people would say right now "the reason for the season."

I encourage everyone to take your white space to a new level and revisit the amazing story of God and remember that you are a part of that story.

Peace

Over the past few weeks I have been having a hard time dealing with life. Worries, stresses, the unknown; all of these have been invading my thought, my actions and my life. It has been hard. This morning I took some time to sit, and be with God. I have been practicing Lectio Divina for the past couple of weeks and the passage I have been reading is from Psalm 130. I would like to share it because today it hit me hard, it over whelmed me, and penetrated deep down to the core of who I am.

Out of the depths I cry to you, O LORD!
O Lord, hear my voice!
Let your ears be attentive to the voice of my pleas for mercy!
If you, O LORD, should mark iniquities,
O Lord, who could stand?
But with you there is forgiveness,
that you may be feared.
I wait for the LORD, my soul waits,
and in his word I hope;
my soul waits for the Lord
more than watchmen for the morning,
more than watchmen for the morning.
O Israel, hope in the LORD!
For with the LORD there is steadfast love,
and with him is plentiful redemption.
And he will redeem Israel from all his iniquities.

Today I wait in anticipation of the Lord, watching, searching, hoping. I have hope in Him, His plans and His future. Today I feel peace, peace that I haven't felt in a while, peace that is overwhelming and exciting. Today I know it is all going to be okay.

Your Thoughts

I am in the process of writing a paper about the Church. It is not intended to be something that slams the Church, but an honest look at what needs to change if we are really going to reach people in this generation. Here are a few things that I am thinking:

- The Church has become more about the building than the people.
- We have made it so that people have to be like us before they can come
instead of accepting them as who they are.
- We have forgotten the story, Christ's story and our story. In this
we have made the Bible a text that has to be memorized and known, but the
experience is gone, the emotion, the journey have been left out.
- We have made God an out there God a great God that can't be reached
instead of a personal God.
- The hope, mystery, and life have been drained out of Christ.
- We have forgotten that Christ's story was dirty. He came into a
dirty story, loved dirty people and saved the dirty. We have forgotten
that we are dirty.
- Community has gone away. People in the church are no longer open,
honest and authentic. Instead we hide behind our Bible Answers and fake
smiles and fake community.
- I think that hope, story, authenticity, vulnerability, love and service
need to be brought back into the Church.
- We need to remember that Christ loved everyone and that is something that
we forget.

Ok, so these are my thoughts, I am still figuring out where I am taking this fully, but I would like to hear your thoughts and opinions. I am not saying that anything I am saying is right or wrong, just where my thoughts are leading. What do you think? What is good about the Church today and what needs to be changed?

Stress

There are some parts of life that I just don't understand. Honestly, there is alot about life that I just don't understand. Right now, though, I just don't understand why everything has to hit at the same time. Why can't trials in life come a little at a time with a nice flow so that you are ready to take things as they come? Why is it that when trials come if feels as if a damn is breaking and everything is hitting from all sides?

I have to be honest right now and admit that I am having a a hard time. I love being here in Washington and I adore the kids that I work with, but I am having a hard time with support raising. I feel stuck. I don't know who else to talk to, I don't know where else to go and I am worried about my finances. It is hard to keep going sometimes when I know that bills have to be paid and I don't always know how it is going to happen. It is hard to decide what to get and what not to get, it is hard wondering if I am going to have enough for next month.

I am also really stressed with school, it is the last week of the semester and I have a paper to write and 2 finals to study for next week. This paper really means alot to me because it is a look at the Church and what needs to change if we are going to reach people in the here and now. This paper is something that I am passionate about, but makes me afraid that I am not going to be able to articulate what I am trying to say. I know that sounds silly, but it creates stress in me.

I am also having a hard time adjusting to not having people to do things with all the time. I always wanted to slow down in life, but now I feel almost lost. I don't have anyone to go see or hang out with. It is an odd feeling, one that I really don't know how to deal with. I have also been thinking alot about people in my past and contemplating talking to them again and this has been messing with my head.

To add more to this, since I have been in Arlington my whole world has been turned upside down in terms of what I think about ministry, how it works, how the church works and sorting through all of this has been a draining process. I feel as if I am at a crossroads and truly have to decide which way is the right way to go and this is hard to figure out.

I'm sorry top just unload so many things right here, but I really want to be honest about who I am and what it going on. I am stressed and don't exactly know what to do with it. It is an interesting time and a learning time, but a hard one at that. I don't know how I should feel or what I should think. I want all the answers and I want everything to make sense. I want to see the big picture and know why I am feeling what I am feeling; why I am going through what I am going through, but I know ultimately that this can't happen. I know ultimately there is a purpose somewhere and it all will come together. I just wish that it could be one at a time instead of everything crashing down at the same time.