Milk

So I had to share this. Stuart took video the other day of one of our students chugging some milk...the only problem was that the expiration date was June 10th and we found the milk on October 23rd. It was an amazing experience that I thought you all should partake in. Enjoy

Roller Coaster

The past few weeks have been really hard for me. It is like I have been on an emotional roller coaster. Going up and down, twisting and turning and as soon as I think that it is over, it changes directions and goes backwards back through the ups and downs, twists and turns. I'm tired now. I feel like I'm at that point where I just want off. I don't want to be on the ride anymore.
Over the past few weeks I have been hit hard with a few things. I was hit pretty hard with the reality of my support raising. This has been a constant struggle for me over the past year and a couple of weeks ago all the frustration came full circle and the realization of the relationship between support and time with the kids became reality.
Over this time I have also been hit hard with the realization that I am lonely. I miss my friends and family terribly. I think that it has been more frustrating because I have tried to befriend people here and it seems to be more work than it is worth. I haven't been able to find people to spend time with that really just allow me to be me. You know those people that you can just be with and there are no expectations. You don't worry about what you are going to say or what you do, but you are just completely you. I miss those friends so much that it hurts. I miss people that feel safe, that I'm not afraid of saying something that is going to offend them.
This is not to say that I don't have friends, but it just isn't the same. The people that I really do fit with and feel safe with are at a different place in life than I am. All the people that I click with are married and don't have the freedom to just hang out and spend time together. There are kids and spouses that need their time and I love that, but at the same time I feel the desperate need for people. I have never really had to try to make friends, I have always had a great group of some of the greatest friends someone could ever ask for and they are still my friends, but from two states away. That changes things.
All this to say, I miss people, I miss connections, I miss the safety of being able to do or say anything. I really do feel lonely in a way I never have before. I love being here and I love my job, but I really would love some real friends, people to connect with. I guess that I just need to keep putting the effort into friendships.

Air

Dear Lord,
Today I am tired, worn out and feel that I have finally lost my grip. I feel as if I am drowning, grasping at anything I can in search of something safe to hold onto. Something solid, something that will allow me to take in the fresh air that I so desperatly need. I feel like I get small gulps of air here and there that allow me to keep going a little longer, that allow my fight to continue, but it is getting harder and harder to muster the strength to continue trying. I'm tired and ready to rest, but rest ultimately means giving up and I stil feel the fight deep inside of me coming from somewhere that I can't explain, but every time I am about to give in that small gulp of air comes.

Lord, I need you and only you. I need you to be my strength, that something solid. I'm tired and lonely and don't know where to go from here. Please, please dear Lord, help. Breath your beauty, life, energy and strength back into me.

Prayer

I would like to ask you to please join me in prayer. One thing that I have learned over the past year is that as a family we need to be open and honest with each other with our joys as well as our burdens. I have learned that we are not called to carry the burdens of life on our own, but take them to each other as a community and allow each of us to learn and grow in all things. So today I am coming to you open and vulnerable asking you as the people in my life to pray.



The past week has been very hard for me. I have been drained emotionally, physically and spiritually. I know that God is leading us at Arlington Youth Dynamics in a new direction as the school year has begun, which is awesome and wonderful, but has also been hard. As Ventus (our Saturday night service) has begun there has been an air of anticipation and excitement around the office and among the students. It has been awesome watching them experience God in ways that they have not before, for them to see and experience the glory and beauty of the Lord, this process has also challenged me to learn to “be” with the Lord more. If I am expecting the students to be reverent before the Lord and understand the majesty of His holiness, I must also do the same. In this process I have learned that I don’t know how to be still, I have a hard time being quiet and most of all I don’t allow the time for this even if I wanted to. Most of this is do to a fear that I have of finances. I am terrified of money, debt and everything else that comes with it and with that have taken on a second job trying to make ends meet until my support raising is finished. As of now I have $750 per month to raise to be at 100% supported. This amount of money terrifies me, keeps me awake at night and honestly has contributed to me not resting.



This is just me trying to be open, honesty and vulnerable with you, my family. Please be praying. Please be praying that I will learn the line of responsibility of finances and the line of trusting in God. Please be praying that this last $750 per month comes in soon, that people will see how God really is working here in Arlington and would really want to be a part of what is happening here. Please be in prayer that the time and effort that I put into these students will be intentional, real and honest. Please be in prayer that I will learn to “be” in life.



Thank you all for everything. Thank you for believing that the Lord can move and can be heard in those small quiet places, thank you for your prayers and support. Most of all thank you for being a part of my life, I truly love you all. Thank You.

Interesting Quote

My friend LIzzy posted this quote. I found it interesting and would like to know what you think of it. What do you think about our "Christian Culture"? What about this quote? Does it make you think? It sure made me think.

"The proper distance from a culture does not take Christians out of that culture. Christians are not the insiders who have taken flight to a new "Christian culture" and become outsiders to their own culture; rather when they have responded to the call of the Gospel they have stepped, as it were, with one foot outside their own culture while the other remaining firmly planted in it. They are distant, and yet they belong....distance born out of allegiance to God and God's future...
Both distance and belonging are essential. Belonging without distance destroys...but distance without belonging isolates."

-Miroslav Volf
Exclusion and Embrace

Sorry

So, I have to tell you all that I am sorry. I am so sorry about the lack of posting. Because it has been so long since I have posted anything I will give you a run down of what has happened:

- the golf marathon happened. It went well and the golfers had fun. I golfed 50 holes before noon and have to say that I still can't figure out why in the world people find this a fun activity.

- I started school again. I am back to going full time. So I am taking four classes, foundations of Ministry, Pastoral Counseling, Preaching and History of Christianity. It is going to be an interesting semester. I am the only female in preaching class. It is amusing, I must say.

- We began a new Saturday night service that we are calling Ventus. It is a time of conversation, community and conversation. It has been going for 2 weeks now and has really been an awesome experience. Students are experiencing God in new ways. It has been great.

- I learned to love the rock. My first real rock climbing experience was not a good one. I decided from that point that I would never love to rock climb, that it was dumb and that I was better off in the water. My friend Sarah was determined to change my mindset. She was determined to make me love the rock and on Sunday this was accomplished. We went to Mt. Erie in Anacortes and it was awesome. I must say that the rock rocks!!! I still love the water though.

- Eli was diagnosed with an Autoimmune disease. For those of you who don't know I have a dog named Eli...he is my baby boy. He got really sick a couple of days ago and this morning he was really bad. His ears, nose and eyes were all grose and finally he began to walk and move around like an old man. I freaked out and after alot of crying and worrying took him to the doctor. He has an autoimmune disease. At least that is what they are thinking right now. I hope that he is going to be alright.

So that is what is going on in my life right now. Tomorrow morning I leave for the ranch for two days to be food staff and an IK guide. I hope that it goes well.

A little help please

Monday, August 25th is our annual Youth Dynamics Golf Marathon. The Golf Marathon is one of our major fundraising events for YD ministry and staff. Russ Nuss, my pastor here in Arlington, as well as my friend Alisha Stone and her sister Becky have decided to golf on my behalf. This is really exciting because the money that they raise will go directly to help in my support raising process. This money will hopefully help me to reach the goal of 100% supported. Russ has set the goal to raise at least $2500 and to golf 100 holes, Alisha and Becky have set the same. As of now there has been less response to help them than we thought there would be, meaning that they are behind reaching their goals. This marathon is really important, not only to me and the support process, but also to them.

Would you please take the time to consider sponsoring Russ or Alisha and Becky? You can either sponsor them per hole or by flat donation and all donations are tax deductible. At the bottom are links to sponsor them online. Thank you for your prayer and support. Thank you for believing in what God is doing here in Arlington and the lives that are being affected (including my own). It has been a blessing to journey with you and I can't wait to continue this journey.

Please check out our website at www.yd.org
To sponsor Alisha and Becky or Russ please go to this link and click on their name:
http://www.yd.org/donate/golf_marathon/golfers/

Undeniable

Over the past month I have had the undeniable confirmation that I am in the exact place that I need to be in for this time in my life. It has been awesome. I have come to realize how much I really love the students that I work with. I can't even explain how much they have affected my life in the the short time that I have known them. I can't explain the bond that we have or how it works, all that I can say is that it works and that it is amazing.

It's funny because I moved here, to Arlington, almost a year ago not knowing what to expect. Missing my friends and family, missing the sunshine, the beach and Wahoo's; being terrified of what was going to come next. It hasn't been an easy road either, but I have never loved what I do so much. Not only have I met amazing people, but God has drawn me in and taught me who I really am without the baggage and safety of what I have always known. I have been stretched beyond my wildest imagination. I have hung upside down off the edge of a boulder, shared my life story with those I didn't know, kayaked class four rapids, and shared my deepest fears with broken people. I have also learned about true community and what that looks like. Who it is that we should be living life with, the broken and beaten and how we are all broken and beaten. It has been an amazing year and I can't wait to see what is in store for the future.

Defeated

Today is the 4th day of my support raising trip to California and honestly I am feeling very defeated. I don't really know what else to do. I have called people and emailed people and it just seems that I can't get a hold of anyone. Today I am going to go to the restaurant that I used to work at and see if I can get a hold of the owners, but who knows. I don't know if I left on this trip expecting too much of if I haven't put in enough effort. I feel as if I am walking a hard line knowing so deep inside of me that this ministry is where I need to be, but being so frustrated with support. I so desperately want people to see my heart, the longing that I have for these students to be loved, to see Christ in them...but how does that translate when they are not there and don't see them face to face? How do I make them understand? How do you explain passion, excitement, hurt and despair?

I don't know. All that I know is that it will work somehow. No matter how defeated I may feel I must listen, be still and know that I am not in control. I must release everything that makes sense to me and learn to see life with new colors, not just black and white. I must remember that God works in ways that I don't understand. SO here goes nothing...

California

This week I am in California with one of my students on a support raising trip. It's weird because it doesn't feel right to be in California any more. Maybe I have finally become a Pacific North Westerner. I really don't know.

Honestly though, I am terrified of this week. I have a hard time support raising because I feel awkward talking to people about money. Please be praying for this week. Please be praying the people here will see the need in Arlington and want to be a part of it. Please be praying that I will be able to share the heart and passion that I have for these kids. Please be praying that I will be able to connect with the right people and for the open house that we will be having on Thursday night. Please be praying for this week.

Also, please be praying was I have a week on one on one time with an awesome student. Please pray that time will be intentional and good. I am nervous and scared about this week, but I know that God is at work and I have seen Him move more in the past few weeks than I ever have in my life...I know He is in control.

When God Shows up

So we have returned from our amazing 9 day trip down the Owyhee River in Oregon. It was an awesome trip where God showed up over and over again. I was going to sit here and tell you all the stories and amazingness when I thought about reading Stuart's blog. He actually is making videos telling the stories and since I don't have a video camera and he is already telling the stories I have decided to share with you his videos. So sit back and enjoy part one of this awesome trip.



Oh and thanks Stuart for your awesome video blogs!!!

Owhyee Here We Come

Well as of tomorrow I am off for an eight day Inflatable Kayaking trip down the Owyhee River. We are taking 5 adults and 10 students. I am excited and nervous all at the same time. I have never done anything like this. 8 days in the middle of nowhere. But this has defiantly been a year of firsts...so bring it on!!!

Thought Provoking

My friend posted this on her blog last night and I really enjoyed it. It made me think. Read it, think about it...let me know what you think.

Disturb us, Lord, when
We are too well pleased with ourselves,
When our dreams have come true
Because we have dreamed too little,
When we arrived safely
Because we sailed too close to the shore.

Disturb us, Lord, when
With the abundance of things we possess
We have lost our thirst
For the waters of life;
Having fallen in love with life,
We have ceased to dream of eternity
And in our efforts to build a new earth,
We have allowed our vision
Of the new Heaven to dim.

Disturb us, Lord, to dare more boldly,
To venture on wider seas
Where storms will show your mastery;
Where losing sight of land,
We shall find the stars.

We ask You to push back
The horizons of our hopes;
And to push into the future
In strength, courage, hope, and love.

Sir Francis Drake 1577

I need to be disturbed...What about you?

The Growth of Glory

So I have a little wager with my friend Kenny, here in Washington. Here is the deal. I have to grow my hair or glory as we like to refer to it. I have to grow my hair to my shoulders and in return he is growing a beard and cooking me dinner. I thought that it was a decent wager and thought that I would give you all some updates on the process. Kenny's beard growth doesn't begin until the second week of July, but my glory has been growing for about a month now. I think that the process is coming along very well.

This is my hair in March...


This is my hair now...

The Wall

Well after a few weeks of going non stop I have officially hit "THE WALL". What is this wall you ask? Well this is the wall of frustration and exhaustion. You see I am tired and don't want to do anything at all. I can't seem to get myself to focus on what I need to do, I want to sleep constantly and I am becoming easily frustrated. I want to cry on a regular basis and honestly just want to give up many times throughout the day.

I also feel as if I have hit a spiritual wall. Not to say that I am not journeying, but I am not as hungry to learn as I was a few weeks ago. I had a long stint where all I wanted to do was read books, dialogue with people and learn more...now I am spending more time listening, sitting and thinking. I don't really know what to think of this. I mean I believe that it is a good think to sit and listen. Psalm says to "Be still and know that I am God." Why is it though that I am having such a hard time processing my lack of enthusiasm for learning? Why do I feel as if it is bad for me to be still? Is it so ingrained in me to do that I don't know how to be?

There seems to be so much going through my head the past couple of weeks and it is an interesting process learning how to rest and be. Maybe that is just it. Maybe I need to learn how to rest and be, not go and do. Maybe the reason I feel that I have hit a wall is because I need to rest, I have hit a wall and can't go anywhere else until I take the time to listen. Maybe, just maybe God is doing something in this time, in these emotions and frustrations. Maybe learning how to listen and be is accepting these things that we don't want to deal with and journeying with them allowing them to process in the time needed. Maybe I need to change my thinking and rest.

Confusing Day

Have you ever had a day that had so much happen that you just don't know what to do, how to take the information or even what to do first? That was my day today. Let me give a little overview of what happened?

- I was offered a job at a local church as their youth and children's director.
- I was offered a job back in California with a good friend being a youth pastor.
_ I tried to get my Washington State drivers license, but was denied because I don't have enough proof that I live here. I now have to find more valid proof...in the next 90 days.
- I found out that I have stop doing as much ministry as I have been and that I have to start doing more support raising...which is hard for me to give up. I just want to be with kids and people.
- I had to go to my part time job at the Local Scoop and have come to realize that I need to get out of there. I become angry when I am there and I don't like that.

Today was a little overwhelming...not to mention the other emotional things going through my head. There is alot going on, but somehow through all the emotions and frustration I still feel peaceful and I don't know why or how, but I know that God is in control.

Indiana Jones-a-thon

Today is our Indiana Jones-a-thon. We are taking two days to watch every movie, bon fire, play games, eat food and see the New movie. I'll let you all know how it goes...I'm excited!!! I hope that the movie doesn't suck either.

Golfers wanted

Alright, so as many of you know I am a missionary with Youth Dynamics in Arlington, Washington. I work with at risk rural teens. With my missionary status comes support raising. The point behind me telling you these things is that I am in need of a golfer for our annual golf marathon. I am looking for someone who is willing to golf 100 holes on Monday August 25th and help raise money toward my being here in Arlington. This person needs to help find people to sponsor them in this effort and must be willing to commit to raising at least $25 per hold, which comes to $2500. That is the minimum needed if more is raised it would be welcomed. This person doesn't have to collect the money, just find people to pledge, we will do the rest. This person also doesn't have to be good at golf. There is also potential for prizes...including vacations. If you would like to golf or know someone who would let me know by this Friday, May 30th. If you aren't here in Washington, I will get you here. So email me at jmaher@yd.org if you have any ideas or would like to golf...I will even take this awesome golfer out to an amazing dinner.

Frustration

I don't know what it is, but lately I seem to be really frustrated. I seem to be more frustrated with myself and others. People are getting on my nerves and it is little things that are annoying me. Things that usually wouldn't bother me at all. I really don't understand why I have been so on edge. I don't like it though. I don't like feeling frustrated, on edge and angry. I desperately want to feel joyful, peaceful and content. What is it that gets us to the point of frustration? Is is exhaustion, the need for change, desiring something? I don't know...I really don't, but I wish that I knew how to change it.

Super Support Day

Today was SUPER SUPPORT RAISING DAY It was the most amazing day ever!!! Ok not so much. I have to admit that at the end of the day I don't feel as accomplished as I thought I would. I was super excited and drove up to the Co Op in Mount Vernon to write letters. (I decided that I needed a change of scenery to write well). I literally wrote letters for four hours. My hand hurt and by the time I was done I had only written ten letters. I guess that my expectations were too high expecting to write every letter I needed to in the course of a few hours.

It was a good day though. It was nice to be able to share with people back home what has been happening here in Arlington, to share stories of students and how God has been working in people's lives. The funny things is that at the end of the day I was left feeling sad. I think that writing letters to people that I saw day in and day out back home left me remembering the people I love. I am still grateful to be here though and after writing all those letters remembered how big God is.

So, SUPER SUPPORT RAISING DAY was a success, it had a few side effects, but it was good. Please be praying as these letters are sent out that the 15% in monthly that I still need to raise will come soon. And hey if you would like to help support a missionary in Arlington, WA here is a link to do so and thank you. https://www.egivingsystems.org/support/54839/index.php?acct_code=MaherJessica