Stress

There are some parts of life that I just don't understand. Honestly, there is alot about life that I just don't understand. Right now, though, I just don't understand why everything has to hit at the same time. Why can't trials in life come a little at a time with a nice flow so that you are ready to take things as they come? Why is it that when trials come if feels as if a damn is breaking and everything is hitting from all sides?

I have to be honest right now and admit that I am having a a hard time. I love being here in Washington and I adore the kids that I work with, but I am having a hard time with support raising. I feel stuck. I don't know who else to talk to, I don't know where else to go and I am worried about my finances. It is hard to keep going sometimes when I know that bills have to be paid and I don't always know how it is going to happen. It is hard to decide what to get and what not to get, it is hard wondering if I am going to have enough for next month.

I am also really stressed with school, it is the last week of the semester and I have a paper to write and 2 finals to study for next week. This paper really means alot to me because it is a look at the Church and what needs to change if we are going to reach people in the here and now. This paper is something that I am passionate about, but makes me afraid that I am not going to be able to articulate what I am trying to say. I know that sounds silly, but it creates stress in me.

I am also having a hard time adjusting to not having people to do things with all the time. I always wanted to slow down in life, but now I feel almost lost. I don't have anyone to go see or hang out with. It is an odd feeling, one that I really don't know how to deal with. I have also been thinking alot about people in my past and contemplating talking to them again and this has been messing with my head.

To add more to this, since I have been in Arlington my whole world has been turned upside down in terms of what I think about ministry, how it works, how the church works and sorting through all of this has been a draining process. I feel as if I am at a crossroads and truly have to decide which way is the right way to go and this is hard to figure out.

I'm sorry top just unload so many things right here, but I really want to be honest about who I am and what it going on. I am stressed and don't exactly know what to do with it. It is an interesting time and a learning time, but a hard one at that. I don't know how I should feel or what I should think. I want all the answers and I want everything to make sense. I want to see the big picture and know why I am feeling what I am feeling; why I am going through what I am going through, but I know ultimately that this can't happen. I know ultimately there is a purpose somewhere and it all will come together. I just wish that it could be one at a time instead of everything crashing down at the same time.