Well after a few weeks of going non stop I have officially hit "THE WALL". What is this wall you ask? Well this is the wall of frustration and exhaustion. You see I am tired and don't want to do anything at all. I can't seem to get myself to focus on what I need to do, I want to sleep constantly and I am becoming easily frustrated. I want to cry on a regular basis and honestly just want to give up many times throughout the day.
I also feel as if I have hit a spiritual wall. Not to say that I am not journeying, but I am not as hungry to learn as I was a few weeks ago. I had a long stint where all I wanted to do was read books, dialogue with people and learn more...now I am spending more time listening, sitting and thinking. I don't really know what to think of this. I mean I believe that it is a good think to sit and listen. Psalm says to "Be still and know that I am God." Why is it though that I am having such a hard time processing my lack of enthusiasm for learning? Why do I feel as if it is bad for me to be still? Is it so ingrained in me to do that I don't know how to be?
There seems to be so much going through my head the past couple of weeks and it is an interesting process learning how to rest and be. Maybe that is just it. Maybe I need to learn how to rest and be, not go and do. Maybe the reason I feel that I have hit a wall is because I need to rest, I have hit a wall and can't go anywhere else until I take the time to listen. Maybe, just maybe God is doing something in this time, in these emotions and frustrations. Maybe learning how to listen and be is accepting these things that we don't want to deal with and journeying with them allowing them to process in the time needed. Maybe I need to change my thinking and rest.
4 comments:
Well becuase I know you and I also know exactly what you describe (been there, done that and the older I get it seems to happen more often) I can tell you that your "lack of desire to learn" is actually a direct result of the wall you have hit.
Where you are at right now is normal an completly understandable. You are feeling like things aren't going where your feel they should. It has made you shut down and close up.
You are right about one thing. You need this time (no matter how crappy it feels) to give yourself the chance to sit and listen. Let your mind go. Rummage through your thoughts and see where is takes you. Be honest with yourself. I have really learned that the last few months and though it is scary to admit to myself things about myself that I don't want to admit to it has been the best thing for me. This could be the best thing for you. Close your eyes. Sit still and just listen. It may last a while but that is ok. God has all the time in the world and he will help you throuh this the way he feels you need to experience it.
The next time you are in town you and I will have to go out on our own and talk. I think it would be good for the both of us. In many ways we parallel.
We will get together for sure next time I am in town. It looks like I will be home in July sometime...I'll let you know.
Matthew 11:28-30
Come to ME, all who are weary and heavy-laden, an I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.
The yoke He has for us is designed to fit us. He will not give more than we can handle.
You are a trooper Jess and sometimes we need to just say no to other things. In order for us to be effective leaders we need to rest and renew ourselves. Even the disciples went to a secluded place to rest. Mark 6:30-32.
I love you and you are in my prayers.
Matthew 11:28-30
Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest sfor your souls. For My yoke is eay and My burden is light.
The yoke He has for us is designed to fit us.
Even the disciples went to a secluded place to rest.
Mark 6:30-32.
In order for us to be effective leaders, we need to rest and renew ourselves.
Jess, I recently went through ministry overload and dropped a couple things. I feel so much better and now I'm able to focus on my family first and then women's ministry.
You are a tropper and you are in my prayers and thoughts. You're awesome and you were put there in WA. for this season in your life and God will greatly reward you and carry your burdens.
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