Defeated

Today is the 4th day of my support raising trip to California and honestly I am feeling very defeated. I don't really know what else to do. I have called people and emailed people and it just seems that I can't get a hold of anyone. Today I am going to go to the restaurant that I used to work at and see if I can get a hold of the owners, but who knows. I don't know if I left on this trip expecting too much of if I haven't put in enough effort. I feel as if I am walking a hard line knowing so deep inside of me that this ministry is where I need to be, but being so frustrated with support. I so desperately want people to see my heart, the longing that I have for these students to be loved, to see Christ in them...but how does that translate when they are not there and don't see them face to face? How do I make them understand? How do you explain passion, excitement, hurt and despair?

I don't know. All that I know is that it will work somehow. No matter how defeated I may feel I must listen, be still and know that I am not in control. I must release everything that makes sense to me and learn to see life with new colors, not just black and white. I must remember that God works in ways that I don't understand. SO here goes nothing...