Great Meeting

Today I had a meeting with a great friend of mine, Katie. It was a great time of coffee and talking. We haven't really seen each other in a long time and I was able to tell her today that I am moving to Washington. She was so exited. It was so great for her to be so excited because it was very confirming to me. She is one of my mentors in ministry (I want to be a minister like her) and her conformation was awesome. It was a great time.

Attitude

I don't know what my issue was today, but I had the worst attitude ever. I walked into work in a bad mood and then it seemed like everything just got on my nerves. I have no clue why. I think that maybe everything is hitting me all at once or something. I am overwhelmed by life right now. There is just way too much. I think that I need some rest or something. I don't know.

Kinda Bummed

So, I was hoping for something to happen today and it didn't happen. Could happen in the next few days, but who really knows. Kinda sucks...totally pumped myself up about it. Guess that I can't do anything else about it. Oh well.

What to do?

So here is my question. If you meet someone who is really cool and you know that there is kinda a connection and you know how to get a hold of them even though you didn't ask for a phone number do you contact them? Or do you just let it be one of those kinda fun experiences and then let it all go? Will it look like stalking or weirdness? Anyone have any suggestions?

Jesus with skin on

Sometimes, God does amazing things to answer our questions, calm out concerns and show us his way. A couple weeks ago this happened to me and it is still resounding in my head and heart. I have been having a hard time making a decision on whether to stay here in California or move to Washington and take this position. I have felt good about the position and the ministry, but have been terrified about moving, and leaving all that I have ever known. It has been a hard decision leaving my family, my church and friends. To leave that safety net and even letting go of hopes that resound with being here. The hardest part? Leaving that friend that has been there for me no matter what.

That is where the the title of this blog comes in. Sunday night, about two weeks ago we were at church and during worship she starts hugging me, to the point where I couldn't even breathe, then she told me "you have to go, Jessica you have to leave. You have waited long enough. You have to go." Tears began to well up in my eyes. Leaving her was one of my hardest decisions. That was the point that I knew. I had to accept the position. It was a clear as day that that was the plan that God had for me. It was truly an amazing experience.

Later she told me that she felt so much peace about me leaving and was so excited. She told me that she felt like God was telling her to tell me. The best part? Was that when I met with my mentor later that week, all that she could say about that experience was "Jess, that is Jesus with skin on. Go call them now and tell them your decision." Wow!!! Sometimes it is just amazing to see how God works in our lives. How he chooses to speak to us in our circumstances and the words that he gives you. "Peace, Peace I give to you. Not peace as the world give, but my peace. Do not let your heart be troubled and let not your heart be afraid."

Needless to say, I am leaving at the end of the summer. I am terrified and excited at the same time. It is going to be amazing to finally be able to do full time ministry. It is going to be scary to leave. It is going to be hard to let go of that hope in something that I have been holding onto, but it is going to be exciting and a new phase in this journey that I am on.

Decisions

It is now official. I have been invited to move to Washington and work with some awesome people in a great ministry called Youth Dynamics. This is a big deal. This would be a huge move, a change in everything that I ahve ever known. At the same time though, it could be an amazing experience. This is a time of prayer. Please be praying for me and this decision, this could change my life and the life of many others.

Annoyed

So I need to vent a little. I have been planing for months to go to Alpine with the Jr Highers from the school next weekend. I have been so excited for this opportunity. Last year was an amazing time and a great relationship building time. Well, I walk into the church today and find out that I am no longer going. After I had worked so hard to get the weekend off in the first place. Then, the meeting that I drove 1/2 an hour to the church to have was canceled and nobody called me. Let's just say that I was a little frustrated. My day didn't start all that well today. It ended OK though, so I guess that that is a good thing. OK...I guess that was enough venting for today.

Back

I came home today from 4 days in Washington. It was an amazing experience. I meet new people, learned new things and left with many things to process and work through. The whole purpose of this trip was to interview to work in a new ministry. Youth Dynamics. I love their purpose, I love the contact with the kids, I love everything about it. I am terrified though. I am terrified that I could be leaving everything that I know, everything that is comfortable to me. This could be a good thing. This could be an amazing experience, a scary experience, but an amazing one. God never said that his plans were going to be easy. I know now that I need prayer and alot of time with God. I pray that God will show me clearly His will.

A Ton of Bricks

I find it interesting how as human beings our emotions very so much and can change in such a short period of time. Why is it that we can go from amazing, wonderful, happy and cheerful to sad, solemn and missing people and things within the course of a few minutes? This is not to say that I have drastic mood swings, am bipolar of anything like that. I just find it funny that the smallest thing can trigger our emotions to that point of changing them.

This just happened to me. Maybe it is the possibility of drastic change in my life, maybe it is just being tired or maybe I am just not as over things in my life as I though. I honestly don't know. I do know that I had a great day. I am excited about this semester, changing my major to a MDiv, taking amazing classes and making great new friends. I read a good book, took some time for myself (white space) had a great dinner with the best friends God could give me and watched one of my all time favorite movies (Benny and June). What could be better?

Coming home, driving in the car alone, leaves time to think, to let my mind wonder. Wonder to the what ifs and I don't knows. Wonder through the whys and maybes of life. Thinking about the past and the future wondering and even hoping. Then the simple realization that the one person that I really want to talk to right now, really doesn't want to talk to me. That is fine. They have no reason to talk to me. But why is it that I still want to talk to them? I still miss them being around. I miss the long hugs and the simple phone calls. I thought that this was done. I thought that I was good. I was good. Why now? Why now when there are so many amazing things going on? Is it the possibility of huge change? The possibility of moving? I don't know. I don't understand. All that I know is that I can't hold on forever. I don't even know why I wonder back to the place, to that person. It was a happy time and good time, but not in God's plan now. That is what I need to remember. God's plan and purpose is bigger than me and my simple wants. His plan is a kingdom plan and I need to follow His will and not mind.

I just hope and pray that I am able to completely let this go and not try to think or do anything that is not in the plan God has. I think that maybe the fear and uncertainty of the future leads me back to the safety and security of the past. I don't know. I just think that it is funny.

Prayer

Wow!!! God works in amazing ways and sometimes we are broadsided by how God works. I have been this week. A new opportunity has become available to me, it could send me away to another state, to live on my own and experience new things. Now, at this place in my life I need prayer. Please pray that I will make right decisions. Please pray that God will show me clearly, without a doubt what he wants me to do. I need to decide to stay or go. I need to be shown what God's will is in this situation.

Next Steps

I am in a place of unknown right now. There is a new opportunity that I may have at the company that I am working at that could allow me to make more money, and maybe be able to save enough money to finally move out and be on my own. I am an adult and I would like to live as one.
I also, wonder though how long do I wait and stay in my internship before I begin to look for a full time position somewhere. There is so much, so many things in my head. This is going to take alot of prayer and waiting. I pray that I will have to patience to wait and trust. I pray that I won't try to take these things into my own hands, but that I will allow God to lead. I know that He is. There has been so much lately that has definitely shown me his sovereign control. I just hope that I don't lose sight of that.

Shower

There is something about the shower that makes it my favorite place. There is no stress, nobody to bother me and no distractions. I love to take long hot showers and just sit and pray to God. I love to just let go and I feel like I can there. I don't find my ADD kicking in and I am able to focus on God and only God. I don't know what it is, but I am able to just let go and completely let God have all of my attention. Some people have their pray closets or prayer rocks, whatever. I have my shower. It is my favorite place. A funny place, but my favorite place.

White Space

I learned about a year ago about white space. (That time in your day in between the things that fill up life that you take to spend time with God. Kinda like the space between the lines on a page in a book.) Well, white space in my day, week, month, anywhere is not exactly my strong point. I don't seem to take that time to spend in between with God. To sit, listen, be still and learn. I mean my quiet time does happen, generally, but to really take more time to reflect and focus just doesn't really happen. Well, today I realized that I had nothing to do. At all. No friends to see, no people to talk to, no work and no homework. I found myself in a state of panic. I never have days like this. I didn't know what to do. Should I call someone? Try to find something to keep my busy? Go on a bike ride? Lunch? Dinner? Anything as to not have to be alone all day.

Then it hit me...White Space. God needed me to have this time, white space...nothing there in between the craziness of work, church and life. I needed this time to learn, grow, reflect and rest. That is what I did. I finished a book today. (Well, I read 3/4 of it today.) It was awesome. This book helped me to change my focus on life, relationships and God. I have come to realize that God has me here where I am for a purpose and a reason. This is something that He has been working on for a while now. I have realized that I need to work for Him and the cause that He has given me passion in. I am ready to step out, take a leap of faith and trust and grow that faith. I have asked God to Rock me this year. To Rock my world, grow me and use me in amazing, new ways. I am excited.

White space is definitely awesome!!!

Ever Wonder?

Have you ever wondered what God is doing? I am in that place right now. It is interesting because I am so peaceful in my life. I know that God is working, I just have no clue what he is doing. It is an interesting place, a good place, but an interesting place. A few weeks ago I was so unsettled, emotional and confused about what God was doing. I was missing family, friends and other people who were once a big part of my life. God provided peace though in an amazing way. He allowed me to let go of what I was holding onto, release and learn.

John 14:27 says, "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid." I read this a couple of weeks ago, actually right after the event that allowed me to let go. I have learned so much from this simple passage. It is funny how a few sentences can change your entire way of thinking and affect you in ways that you never imagined.

Peace has overcome me. I know that God has a plan and a purpose and that I don't need to be afraid or worry, he is bigger than all of those things, things that I can't even control. It's funny how when you let go new things happen, new people come into your life and things seem to just work out for a reason. I still don't know the reason and have stopped trying to figure out the big picture. I am here and now and letting God take control. I am excited about new things and people in my life, what God is doing and where he is going to take me and how he is going to use me.

Kate's Birthday Celebration

Alright, last night we went out for Kate's Birthday. We went to the Cheesecake Factory for dinner and amazing dessert. After that? A Night at the Museum...the funniest movie I have seen in a long time. it was a great night of fun and friends. God has blessed me with amazing people in my life. Here are some pictures. Enjoy!!!

Just a Side Note

Just a little side note. I was driving down the 73 toll road this afternoon and had a realization as to how amazing this world is. It was so beautiful with the clouds and the hills, the city on the horizon and the sunsetting in the background. It really blew me away and I realized how so often I am not even aware of the amazing creation that God has allowed me to live in. I am so grateful for all that God has made and done. Wow!!!

Things to do before I die

Gab and I have been working on lists of the 100 things we want to do before we die. I am on number 60. I thought that I would share a little of what I have listed. Now, I know that my plans aren't always the same as God's and who knows if it might change, but this is where I am at right now. now these aren't in any particular order. Enjoy.
1. Go to India
2. Get married
3. Have kids
4. Speak at an event
5. Earn my maters degree
6. Go to San Francisco
7. Go to Ireland
8. Do missions work in another country
9. Have at least one year with one Sabbath day a week
10. Write my mom a letter expressing my graditude
11. Live somewhere besides Orange County, CA
12. Meet the love of my life
13. Write a book
14. Work at a summer camp
15. Be content with who God has made me
16. Camp in Yosemite
17. Own a home (with a red door)
18. Write a letter to my children declareing my love.
19. Ride my bike down the California Coast
20. Kiss my husband ontop of a mountian
21. Write good youth Bible Study curriculm
22. Homeschool my children for one year (at least).
23. Raise my children (not let the school)
24. Disciple
25. Be a disciple
26. Befriend an enemy
27. Share God's amazing love with students
28. Create a photo murial
29. Drive across the country
30. Jet ski
31. Para sail
32. Backpack
33. Take pictures of God's amazing creation and create a book.
34. Take students on a mission trip
35. Take time to experience Creation
36. Make an effort to show girls that they are beautiful
37. Do disaster relief
38. Wear a size 9
39. Read the Graps of Wrath
40. Develop a Camp
41. Learn not to worry.
42. Learn to play the guitar
43. Learn to play the piano
44. Give something that is important to me to another person
45. Write Nell a letter to tell her how much I love her and what an amazing friend she has been
46. Fly the paraplane
47. Drive the entire West Coast
48. Take Katelynn on vacation
49. Play Tyrone at my wedding
50. Get to know my nieces
51. Get a doctorate degree
52. Fast
53. Create a strong prayer life
54. Create a strong quiet time
55. Learn to be still before the Lord
56. Tithe regularly
57. Love
58. Be loved
59. Live an honoring life to God.
60. Learn to listen to God.

Just a little note, some of these things I am already working on and it doesn't mean that I can't improve in some of these areas. I hope that you enjoyed the list. When I finish I will post the rest.

Girl's Shopping Day

Zaida and I took some of the girls from the youth group on a trip to Santa Monica last Saturday for a Girl's Shopping Day. It was a fun day of food, clothes, Celebrities and girls. No boys allowed. We had a great time. I always love this day, even though I'm not a big shopper I love the time with the girls and Santa Monica is so beautiful. I hope that more girls end up going next year, but it was a blast.

Check out the Pictures.

Exciting

I have to give some thanks to Myspace (I wouldn't normally do this) but it helped me to find one of my old friends. I found one of the best friends I have had randomly because I was bored one day. I found my friend Steve. He is really cool, had some hard times, but a good guy. We used to have the funniest wrestling matches ever. Espically when he would pick me up and throw me across the room and onto the bed. Sometimes it didn't feel very good. I really missed him though. I missed talking to him and hanging out. I really never felt like I had to try to be his friend. He just liked to hang out with me for me. That is what was awesome. I miss those simple times of not having to keep people entertained, but just to be there and enjoying a friend. Having a friend that was respectful of my beliefs even if they weren't the same as his. I don't know. I just wanted to share because I am super excited.

Taco Night

Tonight was taco night at the Culter's. It was a great night. Zaida made home made corn tortillas (gluten free) and it was sooo good. Great friends came, we ate, had fun and watched movies. It was just a great time. The one thing that I really realized tonight is that God has blessed me with amazing friends. They are so great, easy to be around and loving. I could never ask for anything better.