Stability

Yesterday afternoon I was having a conversation with one of my friends back home in California. We were talking about his wedding that is rapidly approaching (November 11th) and somehow got on the conversation of my singleness.(It always seems to come up when I am talking to him) I was informed that I am single because of the fact that guys my age and older are looking for stability and I don't have any to offer. I don't have a job that makes great money and I am not looking to get married and have kids tomorrow. I found this comment to be very interesting. Is there really something wrong, first of all, with me being 25 and single? And do I really have no stability to offer? Is that really what guys my age are looking for?

I was informed that that is really the only thing that is wrong with me, but I am left wondering if that is really something that is "wrong with me"? What about the fact that I am doing the work that fits me? That I am pursuing the passions that God has given me? That I am following the talents that God has given me? Do those count? I don't know... Any thoughts?

Coincidence?

Do you ever have thigs happen in life that make you wonder if they are really just a coincidence or if there could actually be some real meaning behind them? I have had that happen this week. Not going to go into detail, but it is interesting how things can come up that make us question the true intention behind them.

That is my random thought for the day...thank you.

Defeat?

For the past few days there has been this haunting feeling of defeat hovering around me. I feel as if I am stuck I an trying so hard to push my way through, but something is pushing back and not allowing me to cross the line. It is like when you are watching football practice and they run and hit the pad with all their might, but it really doesn't go anywhere. That is where I am. I have been hitting and running and hitting some more, but I am becoming tired. My body is becoming weak and my hits seem to be making less of an impact.

The interesting thing is that even though I feel tired, worn out and defeated I don't feel like I can stop. I feel as if I must keep going, I know that there is something better on the other side. I know that there is a reason and a purpose.

Encouragement

I received an email from a friend yesterday. She has always been an amazing encourager and mentor in my life. This is what it said:

"It is tough being a grown up, and I love how God applies just enough pressure to make us depend on Him and not cry out to anyone or anything less than Him. Remember how shepherds would break the legs of the lamb that were independent so they were completely disabled. Then He would carry them around his neck until they healed. While the shepherd was carrying the lamb, the lamb grew very accustomed to hearing the shepherd's voice and once through the healing time, the lamb had become so dependent on the shepherd that he never once again wanted his independence and followed closely the rest of his life because he knew and loved the voice of the shepherd.
Got dependence?
I love you and just keep hanging around your shepherd's heart and neck. He'll carry you through and in the meantime grow very
accustomed to His voice.

Love you."

It is truly amazing to me how God works through other people, their love and their words. He knew where I was, what was going on and what I needed. I am so grateful for the amazing people the God has placed in my life and the impact that they have even from so far away.

She is so right also, it is interesting how God knows when we need to be hanging around his neck, learning to be completely dependent on him and nobody else. He is teaching me and I am learning, learning His voice in a new, distinct and powerful way.

Procastination

So I have to admit that I am the worst procrastinator in the world. I have been dreading doing my Hebrew homework this week. It is now Sunday afternoon and I am still trying to find other things to do besides my homework. I know I am a super slacker, but I feel like this kid when I do it.

Beginnings of something good....

Some awesome things have been happening around Arlington and I am super excited. The one thing that I am really excited about the fact that I am really starting to grow some deep relationships with some of the girls here. They come into the office almost every day after school and are really excited to hang out, talk and to really be friends. This is super exciting because I am beginning to see God working here. I am seeing a sparkle in their eyes that they didn't have when I first met them. They are excited and I can't wait to learn and grow with them. God is really at work here and I can't wait until I am able to spend more time with them. I am also excited about some other girls that have recently come into my life and that are a little more reluctant, but definitely in need of someone to love them. It is going to be exciting to see what happens and how God works.

Friday Night

I have to say that my Friday night was absolutely amazing!!!! ok not really. It seems that I have gotten old. I am 25 years old and my Friday night highlight consisted of walking my dog around the neighborhood and then playing a board game. It was fun, but I think that I may need to make some more friends...I thought that I still had a few more years of fun and exciting Friday nights. Oh, well it was still a good time.

Bad Week

Ok, so this week had to be one of the worst weeks of my life. I know it isn't THE worst because I can name a few right now that have been worse, but this really tops the charts. Let's start at the beginning of the week:

Sunday- I took about 7 Jr high boys Geo Cashing. It was fun, but it was pouring rain most of the time, and Jr. High boys don't know how to walk and after 4 miles they were walking sooooooo slow. In the middle of our excursion I learned that there is a facility for level 5 sex offenders right across the street from the secluded foresty path we were walking down. Needless to say I was not excited about that. After that I ended up talking to the pastor and his wife for about three hours. This wasn't bad except for the fact that I didn't get home until 9:30pm, still had to finish homework and had to be up at 3:30am to leave for school on Monday.

Monday- 3:30am, still pouring rain. I left for my 3 hour drive to Vancouver, WA for school at about 4:45am. About an hour into my trip I see police lights flashing behind me. This sucks, it isn't like I haven't been pulled over twice since I left California. This time I was only going 65mph though. That is what really sucks. The police officer proceeds to get my info and tell me about the safety on the road and if everyone else breaks the law am I going to also. I began to start crying like a little baby. Like not kinda crying totally can't breathe like a little kid. He comes back and tells me that it was my lucky day because his computer system was down. God is Good!!! I was really excited about that!!! Anyway, I continued my drive and ended up 1/2 hour late to class. Hebrew class, I don't know what is going on as it is, do 1/2 and hour late really makes things worse. The rest of Monday was ok except for the seriously bad headache I had for the rest of the day.

Tuesday- Again pouring rain. I got to work late because someone decided to clean the bathroom before I got in the shower, so I had to wait. Then we had a Steering Committee meeting. Not bad, I got some free soup. Free food is always good. The rest of the day was a blur, Bible study and WalMart at midnight because I was leaving for a four day trip and ran out of hair gel. (side note: I really despise WalMart).

Wednesday- Good start to the day...the rain stopped!!! Did lots of laundry and packed to go to the Staff Retreat and then off to Idaho. The plan was to return on Saturday. We left and started the trip, the staff retreat was going well until I got the phone call. My dog had bit my best friends daughter. Great, fantastic, great timing. Well, she was ok and we decided that things would be ok until he went after her little boy. Now what? I seriously have the nicest dog ever. He freaked I guess with me being gone and didn't know what to do. Needless to say this lead to trying to figure out what to do and the conclusion that Idaho wasn't going to happen. I was seriously bummed about that.

Thursday- The end of the Staff Retreat was good, but oh, it started to rain again. We finished up, came home and I took care of my dog. He was freaked out. I felt really bad for him.

Friday- Well the decision for Eli (my dog) was to take him to my friends house during the day and then take him home with me at night. Kinda like a dog sitter. So we had doggie meet and greet time. Since he has two other dogs. That went well and then I went to work, which was fine. Then on the way home hit all the traffic anyone could hit. Needless to say it took me 2 and a half hours to get home. That was just fantastic.

That was my week. It was very emotionally draining. Needless to say I think that Eli and I are ready to have some space. I have been sooooo grateful for my best friend and her husband for all of their hospitality and for letting me stay with them, but I think that I am ready. I hope that this week is a little better. I am ready for it to be better.

Homework

I am done with homework. I am tired of looking at it, I am tried of doing it. I want to go ride my bike and be free, but there is still more homework to do. That Sucks!!!

Grrrrrr.....

So, for the past few days it seems like everyone (including me) is in a horrible mood, stressed beyond belief and about ready to kill everyone that they come in contact with. It is ridiculous how attacks come from every direction and when that happens we don't know how to respond. I think that everyone in my house needs three days alone...including the kids. We all need something to rejuvenate us and calm us down. We tried ice cream (usually works for calming nerves) it just made us think about how fat it is going to make us. Tried walking, just made us more tired; tried talking, we just get frustrated when others don't understand. It is a sad time and there is definitely something trying to bring us all down...let me tell you.

So all that I have to say now is Grrrrr....that is how I feel. Grrrr......

Hebrew

Tomorrow is my first Hebrew test. I just want to confess to everyone that I am terrified. This is not coming easily to me and I am not great at memorizing things. Needless to say, I have been studying and am going to continue studying, but I don't know how much good it is really going to do.

Thoughts on Volunteers

Over the past couple of weeks we have been talking about how to get our volunteers more involved in our ministry. We have been throwing ideas around and talking about how to make them feel more comfortable with each other and with the kids. How do we make our volunteers feel more wanted and needed? How do we get them to be more involved with the students than just being chaperons? Here are a few of our thought, or what we are thinking of doing.

Volunteer Meetings
We have decided to have monthly volunteer meetings. What do these meetings look like? Well, we are thinking of more of a community time, not a teaching time. I think so many times when we are thinking of volunteers we think that we need to train them in how to handle kids, what to say in situations and and how to be a part of their world. People know how to relate to other people. We don't need to train them all the time. I think that making the volunteers feel like a wanted group of people will hopefully make them feel more like coming around and spending time with the students. Creating a tight knit group of people that know each other and care about each other is the key.

I think that also in these meetings we need to make sure that our volunteers realize that they are capable. They are capable of relating to the students just as much as we, the staff, are. We need to make sure that they realize that as long as they are real with the students the students will be real with them.

These are just some random thoughts. What do you think? Any thoughts on volunteers?

Microtrends

I ran across a link this morning to an article dealing with the changing microtrends in America. http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/20630522/site/newsweek/
I found it very interesting, yet I am left wondering if it is completely accurate and if it is what is the impact on my life and the lives of the students in my ministry.

The article is actually an overview of a book entitled "microtrends" by Mark Penn. The trends that I found to me most interesting are trends such as mothers in their mid thirties being the largest group of video game addicts, the resurgence of knitting among teens and the fact that most people who are tattooing themselves these days are upper and middle class. Tattoos are no longer for the inmates and deadbeats. Because of these changing trends in America the face and shape of America is changing. Kids are over the video games and are trying to find new things to do, people in general are reinventing themselves. Americans today are no longer willing to be put into boxes, they are stepping out and trying new things. Why is this happening? What has caused this change in our culture, society and way of life?

I think that it really all boils down to a statement that Penn made regarding the rise in left handedness in America. He says that the rise in left handedness has occurred because of the fact that we are allowing student to be who they are. We are no longer forcing them to be right handed. We are no longer forcing them to always conform to the rules, we are allowing more freedom.

"The result, writes Penn, is a more permissive culture. “A society that tolerates people working with different hands is also likely to tolerate a lot of other freedoms.”

Looking at our culture over the past few years we have become more permissive and now "tolerate a lot of other freedoms", but at what cost? What has this tolerant culture done to us and our kids. What is the result of tolerance on Society at large?

I am not saying that we shouldn't be loving and accepting of others, but at what point do we stand up and say,"that is enough". I think that the line has become blurred. The line of acceptance and non acceptance is no longer visible and it is affecting not only us, but the youth and children of today. They are confused and are looking for definition in their lives. The growing acceptance of the past few decades has caused our youth to actually go the other way. We have seen a resurgence of the past with people in the mid to early twenties. They have been going back to traditional mindsets of family and society. Not to say that this is the right way to go, but a balance needs to be found. We need to decide where the line is, our kids need definition and we need to help.

Down for the Count

Waking up this morning I thought that I was down for the count. I woke up stressed, stressed about ministry, family, life, work and finances. I felt lost, confused and completely done. I was ready to throw in the towel, call it a day and get in the car and go home. All the way back to California where things seemed alot easier. Then I had a a talk with a friend. He made me think. When are things ever easy if they are what we are really suposed to do? He made me realize that God wouldn't bring me here and then leave me, that he wouldn't just throw me out here and then say, have a nice day. There is a reason and He will provide. Sometimes we have to withstand the forces of things we don't understand that are trying to steer us in a direction other than where we should be going. There are many things that don't want me here, don't want Youth Dynamics to work here in Arlington, that don't want students reached for God and they will do whatever it takes to stop us. Today I am standing up against it knowing that I have been called here and that God is leading. I am no longer in control I am letting Go and holding on for the ride.

Sign on my car?

So, this is super frustrating, In the past 3 weeks, I have received 2 speeding tickets. The first one was in Cali on my way here to Washington. I was coming out of the Grapevine, going downhill, trying to keep up with Katelynn and everyone was flying by me. Somehow I was the one who got the ticket. Super sucky way to begin my trip to Washington.

Then this morning on my way into work I was stopped again. Now I was going 75mph. I totally thought that it was a 70mph zone and thought that I was totally safe considering everyone around me was going the same speed. I was mistaken. I guess going to flow of traffic isn't what you do around these parts. I am still so used to going 75mph so that you don't die. The cop wasn't the most pleasant man in the world either and told me to pay better attention. This seriously sucks. I am actually going to contest this one and see what happens. I mean it isn't like I have a ton of extra money to throw around. I need to put gas in the stinking car.

It's Gonna Happen

Alright for those of you that have actually been reading these blogs I am going to update on my support status. As of now I am still at 50%. I know sounds a little slack considering the fact that I need to be at 80% by Tuesday to start working with the kids here when school starts on the 5th. That means that I need to raise another $900 per month.

I don't know I have been stressing about this and then just came to the realization that it is ok. It is going to happen. I mean I went from 14% to 50% in a week. God can do anything. I believe that he brought me here for this purpose and that He is going to make it happen. I have sent out more letters and I am talking to some more people. This can happen...I know it.

Please be praying that this will happen that the funding will come through and that I will be able to begin working with these kids. I can't wait to really begin doing ministry.

Two Weeks In

Alright, well I have now officially been here in Washington for two weeks. It kinda hit me yesterday how much my life has changed over the course of such a short period of time. Let me elaborate a little.
In Orange County I woke up at 5:30am almost every morning left the house by 6:30am and was at work by 7am. I worked all day at Lakeshore carrying things, moving things, dealing with people and working my butt off. After leaving at 4pm I would get in my car and drive the 25 miles to Fountain Valley where I would then lead Bible Study, have meetings, have girls nights. Whatever the event of the night was. After this I would be exhausted on the way home. I would be home generally sometime around 10pm and then work on my lesson for the next night, homework or just crash. (Just a side note... I am not complaining...I loved my life, friends, church and job, most of the time).

It is interesting how things have changed...
I now don't have to be up until around 8am and can go into the office sometime around 9am, but it is not a requirement. I go to work with two people instead of a bazillion and we have fun. On Wednesdays around noon I go hang out with kids. It is pretty cool. I am actually home for dinner at 6pm and somedays I just work from home. Things have calmed down alot.

Things have changed in other ways, too. I only know a couple of people here. I miss my close friends so much, I miss bike rides to the beach with Katelynn, I miss talking to Lizzy and I miss coming home to my Grandma's smile every day. I miss Pastor Guy and his great sermons and I miss my kids on Sunday mornings. I miss Brighton and his sprinkle donuts and my little buddy and his big hugs. I miss the family of my church, the 10 grandmas I had, 8 moms and more dads and big brothers than I can count.

I have to say that just because I miss things I am not doubting that fact that God has brought me here, that this is His will and that there is a purpose. This is a big change and with big changes come big adjustments. Let's just say that I am adjusting.

I'm here

Well, we made it to Washington. I officially live in Washington State now. That seems so weird to me. No more So Cal. It is going to be interesting, but exciting. I will keep you posted, but wanted to let you know that we made it.

31%

As of today I am 31% funded. It is going to happen. I have to believe that and have the faith that God is in control. It is interesting to me how many people know that it is down to the wire and are still not sure. I don't know I can't expect people to rush to give money, but I have to admit that today I was stressed beyond belief. I didn't even know where to start in terms of calling and packing and all the other things that need to happen. Right now I just need to let go and let God have control. Oh, and I can't find my work key either. I am afraid of what my manager is going to do when she finds that out. Good times.

One Week

I now have one week. One week before I move to Washington. I am excited, yet am afraid that it might not happen. At this point I am 20% funded and I need to be at 80% to go to Washington. I know that there are at least 10 people who are going to commit to helping me, but what the amount is? I have no idea and that is the problem. It could either get me to 80% or not. The question is could I still go and find a part time job until all the funding comes through? I have to be either in Washington or in California on August 20th to start school. I mean I have been given a scholarship. I have to be somewhere. It makes the most sense to me to go and start school so that I can be in Washington and not have to wait for the semester to end. I don't know. Right now I have to believe that God can do anything. I know that He has called me to go there, I know that God can do more than I can ever imagine.