Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas!!! Let's remember the reason for this day, the real reason. Not presents or food, not even family or friends. Let's really remember the Life, Hope and Majesty that needs to be remembered on this day. So many times we forget, so let's remember, rejoice and reflect.

Let it Snow

It's snowing here in Arlington and it doesn't look like it is going to stop any time soon. I decided to go to work this morning and all that I can say is that I am glad that I made it and I'm glad that I made it home. I know that there are people who drive in snow all the time that is alot worse than what we have here, but being a girl from Orange County driving in the snow is not my forte. I am learning though and this year I seem to be liking the snow alot more than I did last year. My dog, Eli, thinks that snow is the greatest thing ever!!!

Hot, Hot, Hot

While I was back in California last week for my Grandpa's funeral, some of our volunteers here in Arlington has a habanero pepper eating contest. I watched this and laughed so hard that I was crying. The best part was the picture that was sent to me in California while at the funeral of Kenny crying from the pain of the pepper. This is awesome!!!!

One Down

Yesterday was an interesting day. Brunch with the family wasn't as awkward as I thought, but it is interesting seeing family that you haven't seen in over 10 years. My cousins have gotten married and had kids and it s just weird. Anyway it was great to hang out for the day with my cousins who are now 40 or around there. It is so weird to me that they are that old. Not that that is old, it is just out of the context that I had for them. My aunts and uncles never seem to change and it is just slightly weird trying to explain life for the last 10 years. It was good though.

I still don't understand why we have viewings. What is the point really? I felt bad thought because nobody came, so we sat there and waited for 4 hours until it was time to go home. I have to admit that I didn't even go into the room with the body. There is something about that that just doesn't seem right to. Why do we go in and look at a dead body and that gives us closure? I think that I can have closure on my own thanks. The sad thing is that nobody in my family is really upset. After talking to people I have come to realize that my whole family thinks that my grandpa was a little off and not always the nicest man in the world. I'm glad that is wasn't just me or my family, but everyone. This is still interesting because my grandpa had a strange obsession with me and everyone keeps commenting on it. It wasn't my fault. I'll tell you that right now. I never asked for my grandpa to try to kidnap me or follow me home from school.

Anyway, today is the funeral. I'm afraid that nobody is going to be there for that either. So, it is funeral, graveside service and family gathering afterword. We have to go through pictures and deal with other things, and because my mom isn't here I have to take her spot in responsibility. It is a little weird. Anyway, I just really can't wait to go home. It has been good to see family, but I am ready to be back to my life and this is funny to say, but the place that I have grown to love in Arlington.

So today I am off to a funeral and I feel bad because I am not sad and crying or anything else. I feel bed because I don't have anything to say about how great of a grandpa he was. I more feel a sense of relief that he isn't going to show up at my house or at work. That I am not looking on street corners for him. It sounds bad, but I am a little happy. I know it sounds a little demented, but I never claimed to be normal. I just hope that I don't upset people with my lack of emotion, but then nobody else seems to be torn up either. I think everyone feels a sense of relief. I know it is weird, but my family is really messed up. Well, here goes another day of weirdness. Then tomorrow I get to go home to the freezing cold of Arlington.

Interesting Times

Well this week I am home in Orange County for my grandfather's funeral. He passed away suddenly last Wednesday morning. Since the phone call last Thursday morning life has bee very interesting. Let me give you a little background on the situation. My family doesn't really talk to my mom, or she doesn't talk to them, because of this I have been out of contact with this side of my family for the last 10 years. I have talked to them on and off over this time, but nothing more than "Hi, I live in Washington." I did talk to my grandpa, but lost contact with him about 6 months ago. He stayed on my support team, but I couldn't find him. Come to find out in this time he had moved from Iowa back to California. Who knew?

Anyway, these past few days have somehow made the the liaison between my mother and the rest of the family. This has not been a good situation. My mom and sister, for their own reasons, aren't coming to the funeral which leaves me alone with these people that I barely know. This morning I am off to brunch with the family. (I didn't even know that brunch was a real thing) This is going to be an awkward couple of days. I have to spend time and socialize with people who are my family, but I really don't have the first clue as to who they are as people. I have to go to my grandfather's funeral and am honestly not a grieved as I feel I should be. I also have to deal with the will crap. All that I know about this is that I don't want to be in the middle of a bad situation with my mom and the rest of the family. Needless to say I have very mixed feelings about the next few days. I am excited to hopefully develop relationships with my family, I am sad that my grandpa is gone, I am confused about everything and nervous to step into an unknown situation. Please be praying that everything goes well.

How

Alright, so this might sound cryptic, but I will try to be as open as I can without exposing too much. I want to tell someone something. How I really feel, but I have come to realize that the social structures that we have would make that very awkward. We are already awkward as it is and saying this would either lead to more awkwardness or it could lead to potential goodness. I don't know. I always thought that by the time I was 27 I wouldn't feel so awkward about telling people my feelings on things. Oh well, I don't know what to do or if I will ever figure it out. IF anyone has any suggestions let me know.

Ventus

Saturday night at Ventus was an awesome experience. A time that really confirmed, at least in my heart, what we are do ing in Arlington. Our students stepped forward and accepted the challenge to change their lives, to hold to accountability and to pray. The time ended in a time of prayer over these students. It was truly amazing and confirming.

Egg Nog

We have a couple of kids that really love egg nog, I mean love egg nog. So we decided to honor their love and have an egg nog chugging contest. It was pretty awesome!!!

Party Like It's My Birthday

So today I turn 27. Yes I am now 27 do I look any older?

Frustration

So, over the past few weeks I have been a little frustrated. Frustrated about school, finances, friends, family; pretty much just frustrated about life. I haven't really thought much about it, just that it was part of the season and that it would go away. I figured that it was something that I was dealing with and that just had to play itself out. Apparently, though, my frustration was and is more evident than I realized. Today I had a friend sit me down and let me know that it is showing. I never realized that it was that evident to other people, that I was pretty much taking it out on other people, through the comments that I make, the tone that I respond in and even my lack of response. I don't want to be this person. I don't want to come across as frustrated and angry. I don't want it to rub off on other people. I want people to feel loved by me, by what I say and what I do. I want to be joyful, funny and kind. I want to be Christ to the people that I meet. So, I talked with my friend and we came to a few conclusions.
1. Life isn't going to be perfect. I can't let my circumstances get the best of me though. I need to trust that God is at work.
2. I need to find a worthy nemesis in my life. What does that mean? It means that I am finding people in my life to be the "evil" instead of dealing. If I am really going to have a nemesis it needs to be a darn good one and the one that I have right now isn't equal to my efforts. Therefore...no more nemesis.
3. I need to focus on what I am passionate about:
- Journeying peacefully with Christ, learning, trusting and resting in Him
- Teens, students- I love them and desperately desire for them to have and experience love, grace and peace in their lives.
- Community- I desire to be a part of a loving, open and authentic community
- Financial stability/lack of debt- That means that I work toward finishing support
In order to focus on what I am passionate about I need to let go and not blame the things that get in the way. I need to rest in the Lord and know that He is bigger than I can ever imagine and know that frustration isn't going to get me anywhere. Love, Grace and Peace need to be the focus, not frustration, anger and resentment. Therefore today I take the first step in letting go, realizing that I can't change other people, but I can change myself. Yes, people may get on my nerves and I may not agree with them, but I can love them and if I love them I am living out the passions that have been placed inside me.

Love

And so, dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God because of all he has done for you. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice—the kind he will find acceptable. This is truly the way to worship him. Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.
Because of the privilege and authority God has given me, I give each of you this warning: Don’t think you are better than you really are. Be honest in your evaluation of yourselves, measuring yourselves by the faith God has given us. Just as our bodies have many parts and each part has a special function, so it is with Christ’s body. We are many parts of one body, and we all belong to each other.

In his grace, God has given us different gifts for doing certain things well. So if God has given you the ability to prophesy, speak out with as much faith as God has given you. If your gift is serving others, serve them well. If you are a teacher, teach well. If your gift is to encourage others, be encouraging. If it is giving, give generously. If God has given you leadership ability, take the responsibility seriously. And if you have a gift for showing kindness to others, do it gladly.

Don’t just pretend to love others. Really love them. Hate what is wrong. Hold tightly to what is good. Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other. Never be lazy, but work hard and serve the Lord enthusiastically. Rejoice in our confident hope. Be patient in trouble, and keep on praying. When God’s people are in need, be ready to help them. Always be eager to practice hospitality.

Bless those who persecute you. Don’t curse them; pray that God will bless them. Be happy with those who are happy, and weep with those who weep. Live in harmony with each other. Don’t be too proud to enjoy the company of ordinary people. And don’t think you know it all!

Never pay back evil with more evil. Do things in such a way that everyone can see you are honorable. Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone.

Dear friends, never take revenge. Leave that to the righteous anger of God. For the Scriptures say,

“I will take revenge;
I will pay them back,”
says the Lord.

Instead,

“If your enemies are hungry, feed them.
If they are thirsty, give them something to drink.
In doing this, you will heap
burning coals of shame on their heads.”

Don’t let evil conquer you, but conquer evil by doing good.
Romans 12

I have been reading Romans over the past week and keep going back to this passage over and over again. What has hit me is how we love. Do I love with genuine affection? Do I love the way I should love? Do we as a people love the way we have been called to love? How can we do this? What does it take to share this type of love with people? And my ultimate question how can I teach the students that I work with to love? I mean really love?

Any thoughts?

Milk

So I had to share this. Stuart took video the other day of one of our students chugging some milk...the only problem was that the expiration date was June 10th and we found the milk on October 23rd. It was an amazing experience that I thought you all should partake in. Enjoy

Roller Coaster

The past few weeks have been really hard for me. It is like I have been on an emotional roller coaster. Going up and down, twisting and turning and as soon as I think that it is over, it changes directions and goes backwards back through the ups and downs, twists and turns. I'm tired now. I feel like I'm at that point where I just want off. I don't want to be on the ride anymore.
Over the past few weeks I have been hit hard with a few things. I was hit pretty hard with the reality of my support raising. This has been a constant struggle for me over the past year and a couple of weeks ago all the frustration came full circle and the realization of the relationship between support and time with the kids became reality.
Over this time I have also been hit hard with the realization that I am lonely. I miss my friends and family terribly. I think that it has been more frustrating because I have tried to befriend people here and it seems to be more work than it is worth. I haven't been able to find people to spend time with that really just allow me to be me. You know those people that you can just be with and there are no expectations. You don't worry about what you are going to say or what you do, but you are just completely you. I miss those friends so much that it hurts. I miss people that feel safe, that I'm not afraid of saying something that is going to offend them.
This is not to say that I don't have friends, but it just isn't the same. The people that I really do fit with and feel safe with are at a different place in life than I am. All the people that I click with are married and don't have the freedom to just hang out and spend time together. There are kids and spouses that need their time and I love that, but at the same time I feel the desperate need for people. I have never really had to try to make friends, I have always had a great group of some of the greatest friends someone could ever ask for and they are still my friends, but from two states away. That changes things.
All this to say, I miss people, I miss connections, I miss the safety of being able to do or say anything. I really do feel lonely in a way I never have before. I love being here and I love my job, but I really would love some real friends, people to connect with. I guess that I just need to keep putting the effort into friendships.

Air

Dear Lord,
Today I am tired, worn out and feel that I have finally lost my grip. I feel as if I am drowning, grasping at anything I can in search of something safe to hold onto. Something solid, something that will allow me to take in the fresh air that I so desperatly need. I feel like I get small gulps of air here and there that allow me to keep going a little longer, that allow my fight to continue, but it is getting harder and harder to muster the strength to continue trying. I'm tired and ready to rest, but rest ultimately means giving up and I stil feel the fight deep inside of me coming from somewhere that I can't explain, but every time I am about to give in that small gulp of air comes.

Lord, I need you and only you. I need you to be my strength, that something solid. I'm tired and lonely and don't know where to go from here. Please, please dear Lord, help. Breath your beauty, life, energy and strength back into me.

Prayer

I would like to ask you to please join me in prayer. One thing that I have learned over the past year is that as a family we need to be open and honest with each other with our joys as well as our burdens. I have learned that we are not called to carry the burdens of life on our own, but take them to each other as a community and allow each of us to learn and grow in all things. So today I am coming to you open and vulnerable asking you as the people in my life to pray.



The past week has been very hard for me. I have been drained emotionally, physically and spiritually. I know that God is leading us at Arlington Youth Dynamics in a new direction as the school year has begun, which is awesome and wonderful, but has also been hard. As Ventus (our Saturday night service) has begun there has been an air of anticipation and excitement around the office and among the students. It has been awesome watching them experience God in ways that they have not before, for them to see and experience the glory and beauty of the Lord, this process has also challenged me to learn to “be” with the Lord more. If I am expecting the students to be reverent before the Lord and understand the majesty of His holiness, I must also do the same. In this process I have learned that I don’t know how to be still, I have a hard time being quiet and most of all I don’t allow the time for this even if I wanted to. Most of this is do to a fear that I have of finances. I am terrified of money, debt and everything else that comes with it and with that have taken on a second job trying to make ends meet until my support raising is finished. As of now I have $750 per month to raise to be at 100% supported. This amount of money terrifies me, keeps me awake at night and honestly has contributed to me not resting.



This is just me trying to be open, honesty and vulnerable with you, my family. Please be praying. Please be praying that I will learn the line of responsibility of finances and the line of trusting in God. Please be praying that this last $750 per month comes in soon, that people will see how God really is working here in Arlington and would really want to be a part of what is happening here. Please be in prayer that the time and effort that I put into these students will be intentional, real and honest. Please be in prayer that I will learn to “be” in life.



Thank you all for everything. Thank you for believing that the Lord can move and can be heard in those small quiet places, thank you for your prayers and support. Most of all thank you for being a part of my life, I truly love you all. Thank You.

Interesting Quote

My friend LIzzy posted this quote. I found it interesting and would like to know what you think of it. What do you think about our "Christian Culture"? What about this quote? Does it make you think? It sure made me think.

"The proper distance from a culture does not take Christians out of that culture. Christians are not the insiders who have taken flight to a new "Christian culture" and become outsiders to their own culture; rather when they have responded to the call of the Gospel they have stepped, as it were, with one foot outside their own culture while the other remaining firmly planted in it. They are distant, and yet they belong....distance born out of allegiance to God and God's future...
Both distance and belonging are essential. Belonging without distance destroys...but distance without belonging isolates."

-Miroslav Volf
Exclusion and Embrace

Sorry

So, I have to tell you all that I am sorry. I am so sorry about the lack of posting. Because it has been so long since I have posted anything I will give you a run down of what has happened:

- the golf marathon happened. It went well and the golfers had fun. I golfed 50 holes before noon and have to say that I still can't figure out why in the world people find this a fun activity.

- I started school again. I am back to going full time. So I am taking four classes, foundations of Ministry, Pastoral Counseling, Preaching and History of Christianity. It is going to be an interesting semester. I am the only female in preaching class. It is amusing, I must say.

- We began a new Saturday night service that we are calling Ventus. It is a time of conversation, community and conversation. It has been going for 2 weeks now and has really been an awesome experience. Students are experiencing God in new ways. It has been great.

- I learned to love the rock. My first real rock climbing experience was not a good one. I decided from that point that I would never love to rock climb, that it was dumb and that I was better off in the water. My friend Sarah was determined to change my mindset. She was determined to make me love the rock and on Sunday this was accomplished. We went to Mt. Erie in Anacortes and it was awesome. I must say that the rock rocks!!! I still love the water though.

- Eli was diagnosed with an Autoimmune disease. For those of you who don't know I have a dog named Eli...he is my baby boy. He got really sick a couple of days ago and this morning he was really bad. His ears, nose and eyes were all grose and finally he began to walk and move around like an old man. I freaked out and after alot of crying and worrying took him to the doctor. He has an autoimmune disease. At least that is what they are thinking right now. I hope that he is going to be alright.

So that is what is going on in my life right now. Tomorrow morning I leave for the ranch for two days to be food staff and an IK guide. I hope that it goes well.

A little help please

Monday, August 25th is our annual Youth Dynamics Golf Marathon. The Golf Marathon is one of our major fundraising events for YD ministry and staff. Russ Nuss, my pastor here in Arlington, as well as my friend Alisha Stone and her sister Becky have decided to golf on my behalf. This is really exciting because the money that they raise will go directly to help in my support raising process. This money will hopefully help me to reach the goal of 100% supported. Russ has set the goal to raise at least $2500 and to golf 100 holes, Alisha and Becky have set the same. As of now there has been less response to help them than we thought there would be, meaning that they are behind reaching their goals. This marathon is really important, not only to me and the support process, but also to them.

Would you please take the time to consider sponsoring Russ or Alisha and Becky? You can either sponsor them per hole or by flat donation and all donations are tax deductible. At the bottom are links to sponsor them online. Thank you for your prayer and support. Thank you for believing in what God is doing here in Arlington and the lives that are being affected (including my own). It has been a blessing to journey with you and I can't wait to continue this journey.

Please check out our website at www.yd.org
To sponsor Alisha and Becky or Russ please go to this link and click on their name:
http://www.yd.org/donate/golf_marathon/golfers/

Undeniable

Over the past month I have had the undeniable confirmation that I am in the exact place that I need to be in for this time in my life. It has been awesome. I have come to realize how much I really love the students that I work with. I can't even explain how much they have affected my life in the the short time that I have known them. I can't explain the bond that we have or how it works, all that I can say is that it works and that it is amazing.

It's funny because I moved here, to Arlington, almost a year ago not knowing what to expect. Missing my friends and family, missing the sunshine, the beach and Wahoo's; being terrified of what was going to come next. It hasn't been an easy road either, but I have never loved what I do so much. Not only have I met amazing people, but God has drawn me in and taught me who I really am without the baggage and safety of what I have always known. I have been stretched beyond my wildest imagination. I have hung upside down off the edge of a boulder, shared my life story with those I didn't know, kayaked class four rapids, and shared my deepest fears with broken people. I have also learned about true community and what that looks like. Who it is that we should be living life with, the broken and beaten and how we are all broken and beaten. It has been an amazing year and I can't wait to see what is in store for the future.

Defeated

Today is the 4th day of my support raising trip to California and honestly I am feeling very defeated. I don't really know what else to do. I have called people and emailed people and it just seems that I can't get a hold of anyone. Today I am going to go to the restaurant that I used to work at and see if I can get a hold of the owners, but who knows. I don't know if I left on this trip expecting too much of if I haven't put in enough effort. I feel as if I am walking a hard line knowing so deep inside of me that this ministry is where I need to be, but being so frustrated with support. I so desperately want people to see my heart, the longing that I have for these students to be loved, to see Christ in them...but how does that translate when they are not there and don't see them face to face? How do I make them understand? How do you explain passion, excitement, hurt and despair?

I don't know. All that I know is that it will work somehow. No matter how defeated I may feel I must listen, be still and know that I am not in control. I must release everything that makes sense to me and learn to see life with new colors, not just black and white. I must remember that God works in ways that I don't understand. SO here goes nothing...