Ever Wonder?

Have you ever wondered what God is doing? I am in that place right now. It is interesting because I am so peaceful in my life. I know that God is working, I just have no clue what he is doing. It is an interesting place, a good place, but an interesting place. A few weeks ago I was so unsettled, emotional and confused about what God was doing. I was missing family, friends and other people who were once a big part of my life. God provided peace though in an amazing way. He allowed me to let go of what I was holding onto, release and learn.

John 14:27 says, "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid." I read this a couple of weeks ago, actually right after the event that allowed me to let go. I have learned so much from this simple passage. It is funny how a few sentences can change your entire way of thinking and affect you in ways that you never imagined.

Peace has overcome me. I know that God has a plan and a purpose and that I don't need to be afraid or worry, he is bigger than all of those things, things that I can't even control. It's funny how when you let go new things happen, new people come into your life and things seem to just work out for a reason. I still don't know the reason and have stopped trying to figure out the big picture. I am here and now and letting God take control. I am excited about new things and people in my life, what God is doing and where he is going to take me and how he is going to use me.

Kate's Birthday Celebration

Alright, last night we went out for Kate's Birthday. We went to the Cheesecake Factory for dinner and amazing dessert. After that? A Night at the Museum...the funniest movie I have seen in a long time. it was a great night of fun and friends. God has blessed me with amazing people in my life. Here are some pictures. Enjoy!!!

Just a Side Note

Just a little side note. I was driving down the 73 toll road this afternoon and had a realization as to how amazing this world is. It was so beautiful with the clouds and the hills, the city on the horizon and the sunsetting in the background. It really blew me away and I realized how so often I am not even aware of the amazing creation that God has allowed me to live in. I am so grateful for all that God has made and done. Wow!!!

Things to do before I die

Gab and I have been working on lists of the 100 things we want to do before we die. I am on number 60. I thought that I would share a little of what I have listed. Now, I know that my plans aren't always the same as God's and who knows if it might change, but this is where I am at right now. now these aren't in any particular order. Enjoy.
1. Go to India
2. Get married
3. Have kids
4. Speak at an event
5. Earn my maters degree
6. Go to San Francisco
7. Go to Ireland
8. Do missions work in another country
9. Have at least one year with one Sabbath day a week
10. Write my mom a letter expressing my graditude
11. Live somewhere besides Orange County, CA
12. Meet the love of my life
13. Write a book
14. Work at a summer camp
15. Be content with who God has made me
16. Camp in Yosemite
17. Own a home (with a red door)
18. Write a letter to my children declareing my love.
19. Ride my bike down the California Coast
20. Kiss my husband ontop of a mountian
21. Write good youth Bible Study curriculm
22. Homeschool my children for one year (at least).
23. Raise my children (not let the school)
24. Disciple
25. Be a disciple
26. Befriend an enemy
27. Share God's amazing love with students
28. Create a photo murial
29. Drive across the country
30. Jet ski
31. Para sail
32. Backpack
33. Take pictures of God's amazing creation and create a book.
34. Take students on a mission trip
35. Take time to experience Creation
36. Make an effort to show girls that they are beautiful
37. Do disaster relief
38. Wear a size 9
39. Read the Graps of Wrath
40. Develop a Camp
41. Learn not to worry.
42. Learn to play the guitar
43. Learn to play the piano
44. Give something that is important to me to another person
45. Write Nell a letter to tell her how much I love her and what an amazing friend she has been
46. Fly the paraplane
47. Drive the entire West Coast
48. Take Katelynn on vacation
49. Play Tyrone at my wedding
50. Get to know my nieces
51. Get a doctorate degree
52. Fast
53. Create a strong prayer life
54. Create a strong quiet time
55. Learn to be still before the Lord
56. Tithe regularly
57. Love
58. Be loved
59. Live an honoring life to God.
60. Learn to listen to God.

Just a little note, some of these things I am already working on and it doesn't mean that I can't improve in some of these areas. I hope that you enjoyed the list. When I finish I will post the rest.

Girl's Shopping Day

Zaida and I took some of the girls from the youth group on a trip to Santa Monica last Saturday for a Girl's Shopping Day. It was a fun day of food, clothes, Celebrities and girls. No boys allowed. We had a great time. I always love this day, even though I'm not a big shopper I love the time with the girls and Santa Monica is so beautiful. I hope that more girls end up going next year, but it was a blast.

Check out the Pictures.

Exciting

I have to give some thanks to Myspace (I wouldn't normally do this) but it helped me to find one of my old friends. I found one of the best friends I have had randomly because I was bored one day. I found my friend Steve. He is really cool, had some hard times, but a good guy. We used to have the funniest wrestling matches ever. Espically when he would pick me up and throw me across the room and onto the bed. Sometimes it didn't feel very good. I really missed him though. I missed talking to him and hanging out. I really never felt like I had to try to be his friend. He just liked to hang out with me for me. That is what was awesome. I miss those simple times of not having to keep people entertained, but just to be there and enjoying a friend. Having a friend that was respectful of my beliefs even if they weren't the same as his. I don't know. I just wanted to share because I am super excited.

Taco Night

Tonight was taco night at the Culter's. It was a great night. Zaida made home made corn tortillas (gluten free) and it was sooo good. Great friends came, we ate, had fun and watched movies. It was just a great time. The one thing that I really realized tonight is that God has blessed me with amazing friends. They are so great, easy to be around and loving. I could never ask for anything better.

Reflection

Over the past couple of weeks I have found myself in a state of reflection. This state of reflection has been the result of having my 25th birthday, the Holiday season, the thought of a new year and finishing my first semester of Seminary. I have been thinking of where I was at this time last year, what God has done and really what has happened over the past year. Here is a little reflection...
-I began a life of partying
-I quickly ended a life of partying.
-I began a Masters program in American Studies
-I met an amazing guy.
- I did well in my first semester of Grad School, but hated it.
- I realized that it wasn't what God had for me.
- I taught PE
- I realized that PE wasn't for me.
- I became very broke very quick.
- I realized how far I had walked away from God and realized that I needed to let go and let Him work.
- I ended up with a boyfriend
- I thought about moving to Riverside.
- I thought about moving Churches and ministries.
- I found a closeness with God that is amazing and still growing.
- I dropped out of Grad school.
- I found a new ministry and new Kids that blew me away.
- I realized that Student Ministry is where God had me to go.
- I applied to Seminary and was accepted.
- I stopped teaching.
- Had a relationship, that taught me alot about myself and how people should be treated.
- Grandma went to the hospital.
- Grew amazing friendships.
- Stopped talking to my mom.
-Started talking to my mom again.
- Broke up with my boyfriend.
- Experienced heart break for the first time in my life.
- Fell on my face before God.
- Found a new peace in my life.
- Learned that I am beautiful.
- Started seminary.
- Went back to IHOP.
- Left IHOP.
-Started an Internship
- Love being in ministry.
- Stared another job at Lakeshore.
- Loved the new job at Lakeshore.
- My brother got married.
- My sister talked about getting married.
- friends got married and moved away.
- Went to Seattle.
- Remembered why God has placed amazing friends in our lives.
- Grandma went back to the hospital.

In all alot has happened this year. It is amazing to me how much can happen in one years time. Looking back on the past year it is amazing to see what God has done in my life and in the lives of others. Yeah, some of the things haven't felt all that great and life hasn't been sunshine and roses, but God has worked in those times and shown me so much this year. It is amazing to realize what God has done. I can honestly say that God has grown me in amazing ways over the past year. I am now more confident in myself and in God, knowing that He ultimately has a plan and even if my plan makes sense, it may not be His will. I have to deal with that. I have learned to be at peace with where God has me here and now and to allow Him to do the rest. It has been an amazing year and I can't wait to see what happens over the next one.

sleep

I have been having issues getting to sleep. I don't know why or how I got into this sleep pattern, but it needs to stop because I need to get onto a regular schedule again. I need to be able to function on all cylinders. It needs to stop. help.

Washington

Over the past week I have been in Washington and have really realized how much I really love it here. I know that I have said over and over that I would love to live here and am now realizing more and more that this is the type of place for me. Not to say that I am leaving now, but I would love to live up here. I love the trees and the atmosphere and I have to admit that I have really missed Nell and Dave.

Now, I do enjoy CA, but I don't think that my heart is here. I did find out that I can ride my cruiser along the river trails here and there is so much to do outside. I can hike and bike and just enjoy God's creation in its true form. Not the concrete jungle of Orange County. I don't know maybe the change would be good for me something new. Something that isn't the same for my whole life. I don't know, just a thought, just a comment, maybe something I would act on.

Honestly the only thing that would hold me back are my amazing friends in OC. It would give them a place to go visit though. It would be exciting and a change. Oh and the guys out here are kinda cute, and not all the girls look like little size 0 rich girls. I feel free to be me here and not try to fit into stereotypes. OK, I need to stop talking about it and go.

I'll be home on Monday.

Youth Specalties

The convention has been amazing. I am really realizing that Youth Ministry is definitely where I need to be. I feel so at place there. Even going to this by myself hasn't bothered me. I feel at home learning about kids and how to deal with them. I feel at home with the people and I feel so excited.

I have learned so much about ministry and how to improve the ministry God has placed me in. The speakers have been amazing!!! I have learned the right way to discipline the kids, how to work with apathetic kids, how to engage my jr highers and so much more. It is so exciting!!! I can't wait to get back and try out some of this stuff. I have truly come to the full realization that this is where God has placed me and I am so excited about that.

Just a side note. I am super excited to leave for Seattle tomorrow. I can't wait to see Nell, Dave and the kids. It is going to be an awesome time. It is really exciting. And I am supposed to meet this guy Michael when I get back. I don't know about this yet. But I guess I can at least meet him and see what happens. I thought that I was good to meet other people, but now I am kinda content with being me, God and youth right now. I don't know.

Anyway the convention has been amazing. There is one more day and it is going to be awesome.

Harvest Festival

Alright, So the harvest festival on Halloween was alot more fun than I thought it was going to be. I really didn't want to go and be with the kids, when I had other things to do. It was good though. I was excited!!! Gab and I were waldo and the kids had to find us and when they did we gave them candy. We kinda forgot, though that kinds nowadays have no clue who waldo is, so we just started giving them candy. It was ok, though they still enjoyed it.

the only bad part was creepy dad. He really freaked me out. He got me cornered in the candy room and started telling me how thin I have gotten and how much more beautiful I am now than before and how couldn't believe that was possible. Ok kinda freaky. He needs to go away now. I know that he is lonely and stuff, but he isn't attractive, wears short shorts and has a son in 7th Grade. He is taller than me for crying outloud.

In all it was a good night. Gab and I had fun. Chad and Greyson played well and Tim looked awesome with his black eyeliner...Good look I think.

The Wedding

So the wedding last weekend was awesome. Sorry that it has been a week and haven't said a word. This week has been a little crazy.

The wedding was awesome. It was so great to see my brother and spend time with him. I met some of his friends and they were awesome. I do have to say that I have never seen a family drink and smoke as much as his family, but overall they were awesome. It was amusing being the only sober person in the house, but it was great. Jeremy's wife, my new sister in law, was very sweet and beautiful and my new nieces are so cute. I can't believe that I am an aunt.

The wedding was small, but beautiful. It was a fast, but fun trip. Now I'm ready to start having a relationship with Jeremy again. I am excited to have my brother back.

A Little Frustrated

Ok, so I am just going to share that I am a little frustrated right now with school. I feel like I am getting dumber and dumber by the day. I studied so hard for my New Testament midterm and I know that I totally bombed on it. I couldn't remember all the information. I mean when a professor tells you to study everything that you have talked about the whole semester it is a little frustrating. I need a little guidance. Then I get to class today and my partner let me know that I said Tanzania was in West Africa and not East Africa. What was I thinking? Am I crazy? I know where Tanzania is. I don't know what is wrong with me. I am trying so hard and I feel like things just aren't working. I know it will work out, but I have put so much effort into school lately and I feel like things don't reflect this effort. I have put in the effort!!!!

Here We Go

So, tomorrow is the big day. My brother is getting married. I am so excited for him and hope that this is going to be amazing for him. This is his second marriage and he now is going to have 3 kids. Wow!!!! I'm going to be an aunt as of tomorrow at 4:30pm. That is crazy. So I get on the plane tomorrow at 6:30 am and will see my bro at 8am. I haven't seen him in 2 years. I am so excited, but nervous because I haven't seen him or his soon to be wife. His friends don't even know that I exist and the rest of my side of the family isn't going. It is just me. I am excited, though it is going to be fun!!!! I'll let you all know how it is. The turn around is one day, though. Back on Sunday for my New Testament midterm. Fun, Fun, Fun!!!

Revolve

This weekend I took three of my youth, one high school and two Jr High, to the Revolve Tour at the Honda Center (formerly the Arrowhead Pond). I honestly wasn't looking forward to two days worth of girls, girls, and more girls. I mean I am not exactly the most girly of girls and a weekend geared toward youth girls seemed to have cheese written all over it. I was pleasantly surprised by this experience. The speakers were amazing, the music was decent and the girls were a delight. The best part was the fact that the speakers were real. That is one thing that I look for is people being transparent with our kids and they were. That was awesome. I even learned a few things and came out of the weekend on fire to share with girls how to be girls of God in today's world. I wish that there was something like this when I was there age. I might have been able to learn some things before I made the mistakes I made.

One major realization coming out of the weekend is my secret desire to speak at a conference like this. I have this passion and desire to share with girls, to help them not make the same decisions that I did in the past and hopefully help them before the get to that point. I want to travel around the country and share reality, be real and most of all help girls to see that they are beautiful, and should be confident in themselves. I want girls to feel the love that Christ has to offer and to know that He will fill those holes if they allow Him to. I want so desperately to share this. I wonder if God will ever allow me the opportunity to fulfill this hidden dream. That would be amazing!!!!

Paper Writing

I have hit a wall. I have been writing a paper on Tanzania and missions in that country for the past 3 hours and am so tired of it that I can't focus on it any longer. I need to, though. 12 pages are due monday and I have to work tomorrow night. Not to mention the other work that is due tomorrow and monday. This needs to be done now. I am so tired of Tanzania I want to scream. It is interesting, I am just tired of working on it. I want to just sit and veg for a couple of hours. Just a couple of more weeks and that could be a reality. Wow!!!! I can't wait for that one. Ok...back to Tanzania...all I have to say is I should have given my partner the paper and I should have taken the powerpoint. Those are alot easier. Oh well, this is going to be good, I can feel it.

Realization

As I am sitting here in my bed checking email and reflecting on the day I have come to a realization that hurts to reveal, but alas is true and needs to be released. I have realized that a dream I have had of a reconciliation in my life may never happen. Learning that others have also changed their plans and the idea of being forced to see each other not happening because of this has allowed me to realize that God is completely at work. Holding onto the dream is no longer an option and only God knows if it will ever be fulfilled, but as of now I need to let go of it, mourn the loss of the dream I have wanted, oh so desperately, and allow God to work. It is hard and is still a process, but one that is going to have to happen because that hope of a maybe looks less and less like a reality and more and more of a let go. So here I am trying desperately to hold onto anything realizing to truly allow God to work I must let go. It is not giving up on a dream, but a letting go and allowing God to do His will and not my own.

The New Job

I am so excited that I do have a new job and it starts on Sunday. I am going to be working at Lakeshore learning. It is going to be awesome!!! The best part is that it is 5 min from my house. That rocks!!! I no longer have to drive and sit on the freeway for an hour and a half to get there. I get to work in an envorinment that is nice and plesant and not surrounded by intollerant people. I am so excited about God's provision and knowing what it is that I needed in my life.

The Week

This week has been an interisting one, to say the least. I think that I have gone through every emotion that I am capable of over the course of this week...and the crazy part is that the week isn't over. The week started with a realization that the job I have been doing can't be done any longer. I realized that I was hating my job. I mean literally hating. I would become angry while there and just dispised every minute of it. I have been praying for a while about this and finally came to the answer of putting out resumes. I did and the next day got a job offer and took it. I start this weekend and quit the resturant yesterday. I no longer have to serve an impatient teenager pancakes at 3am.

I feel complete relief over this, but now have been hit with the overwhelming stress of having to write a 12 page missions paper by monday. This would be fine, but I have to take youth girls to the revolve tour. It is going to be great and an amazing experience for them, but I could put the time forth to work on my paper.

Finally, I have gone through the emotions this week of loss. I have realized many things and still feel a loss even after so many months of being alone. I miss that one person that I want to talk to more than anyone else. I miss that person that sat on the couch and let me rest my head. I miss it all and have come to realize that it still hurts. I think that the worst part is that others can see him and I can't. They come and tell me and then I remember and have to deal. It is funny though because I feel this loss, but I know that it is God's will for now and until I can totally depend on God for everything I am not going to be given another chance. I need to wait for God's will to be done and let go of my own. I've been learning, but it isn't the easiest learn ever. I know that learning doesn't have to be easy and most of the time it isn't, but right now I wish it was.