The Wedding

So the wedding last weekend was awesome. Sorry that it has been a week and haven't said a word. This week has been a little crazy.

The wedding was awesome. It was so great to see my brother and spend time with him. I met some of his friends and they were awesome. I do have to say that I have never seen a family drink and smoke as much as his family, but overall they were awesome. It was amusing being the only sober person in the house, but it was great. Jeremy's wife, my new sister in law, was very sweet and beautiful and my new nieces are so cute. I can't believe that I am an aunt.

The wedding was small, but beautiful. It was a fast, but fun trip. Now I'm ready to start having a relationship with Jeremy again. I am excited to have my brother back.

A Little Frustrated

Ok, so I am just going to share that I am a little frustrated right now with school. I feel like I am getting dumber and dumber by the day. I studied so hard for my New Testament midterm and I know that I totally bombed on it. I couldn't remember all the information. I mean when a professor tells you to study everything that you have talked about the whole semester it is a little frustrating. I need a little guidance. Then I get to class today and my partner let me know that I said Tanzania was in West Africa and not East Africa. What was I thinking? Am I crazy? I know where Tanzania is. I don't know what is wrong with me. I am trying so hard and I feel like things just aren't working. I know it will work out, but I have put so much effort into school lately and I feel like things don't reflect this effort. I have put in the effort!!!!

Here We Go

So, tomorrow is the big day. My brother is getting married. I am so excited for him and hope that this is going to be amazing for him. This is his second marriage and he now is going to have 3 kids. Wow!!!! I'm going to be an aunt as of tomorrow at 4:30pm. That is crazy. So I get on the plane tomorrow at 6:30 am and will see my bro at 8am. I haven't seen him in 2 years. I am so excited, but nervous because I haven't seen him or his soon to be wife. His friends don't even know that I exist and the rest of my side of the family isn't going. It is just me. I am excited, though it is going to be fun!!!! I'll let you all know how it is. The turn around is one day, though. Back on Sunday for my New Testament midterm. Fun, Fun, Fun!!!

Revolve

This weekend I took three of my youth, one high school and two Jr High, to the Revolve Tour at the Honda Center (formerly the Arrowhead Pond). I honestly wasn't looking forward to two days worth of girls, girls, and more girls. I mean I am not exactly the most girly of girls and a weekend geared toward youth girls seemed to have cheese written all over it. I was pleasantly surprised by this experience. The speakers were amazing, the music was decent and the girls were a delight. The best part was the fact that the speakers were real. That is one thing that I look for is people being transparent with our kids and they were. That was awesome. I even learned a few things and came out of the weekend on fire to share with girls how to be girls of God in today's world. I wish that there was something like this when I was there age. I might have been able to learn some things before I made the mistakes I made.

One major realization coming out of the weekend is my secret desire to speak at a conference like this. I have this passion and desire to share with girls, to help them not make the same decisions that I did in the past and hopefully help them before the get to that point. I want to travel around the country and share reality, be real and most of all help girls to see that they are beautiful, and should be confident in themselves. I want girls to feel the love that Christ has to offer and to know that He will fill those holes if they allow Him to. I want so desperately to share this. I wonder if God will ever allow me the opportunity to fulfill this hidden dream. That would be amazing!!!!

Paper Writing

I have hit a wall. I have been writing a paper on Tanzania and missions in that country for the past 3 hours and am so tired of it that I can't focus on it any longer. I need to, though. 12 pages are due monday and I have to work tomorrow night. Not to mention the other work that is due tomorrow and monday. This needs to be done now. I am so tired of Tanzania I want to scream. It is interesting, I am just tired of working on it. I want to just sit and veg for a couple of hours. Just a couple of more weeks and that could be a reality. Wow!!!! I can't wait for that one. Ok...back to Tanzania...all I have to say is I should have given my partner the paper and I should have taken the powerpoint. Those are alot easier. Oh well, this is going to be good, I can feel it.

Realization

As I am sitting here in my bed checking email and reflecting on the day I have come to a realization that hurts to reveal, but alas is true and needs to be released. I have realized that a dream I have had of a reconciliation in my life may never happen. Learning that others have also changed their plans and the idea of being forced to see each other not happening because of this has allowed me to realize that God is completely at work. Holding onto the dream is no longer an option and only God knows if it will ever be fulfilled, but as of now I need to let go of it, mourn the loss of the dream I have wanted, oh so desperately, and allow God to work. It is hard and is still a process, but one that is going to have to happen because that hope of a maybe looks less and less like a reality and more and more of a let go. So here I am trying desperately to hold onto anything realizing to truly allow God to work I must let go. It is not giving up on a dream, but a letting go and allowing God to do His will and not my own.

The New Job

I am so excited that I do have a new job and it starts on Sunday. I am going to be working at Lakeshore learning. It is going to be awesome!!! The best part is that it is 5 min from my house. That rocks!!! I no longer have to drive and sit on the freeway for an hour and a half to get there. I get to work in an envorinment that is nice and plesant and not surrounded by intollerant people. I am so excited about God's provision and knowing what it is that I needed in my life.

The Week

This week has been an interisting one, to say the least. I think that I have gone through every emotion that I am capable of over the course of this week...and the crazy part is that the week isn't over. The week started with a realization that the job I have been doing can't be done any longer. I realized that I was hating my job. I mean literally hating. I would become angry while there and just dispised every minute of it. I have been praying for a while about this and finally came to the answer of putting out resumes. I did and the next day got a job offer and took it. I start this weekend and quit the resturant yesterday. I no longer have to serve an impatient teenager pancakes at 3am.

I feel complete relief over this, but now have been hit with the overwhelming stress of having to write a 12 page missions paper by monday. This would be fine, but I have to take youth girls to the revolve tour. It is going to be great and an amazing experience for them, but I could put the time forth to work on my paper.

Finally, I have gone through the emotions this week of loss. I have realized many things and still feel a loss even after so many months of being alone. I miss that one person that I want to talk to more than anyone else. I miss that person that sat on the couch and let me rest my head. I miss it all and have come to realize that it still hurts. I think that the worst part is that others can see him and I can't. They come and tell me and then I remember and have to deal. It is funny though because I feel this loss, but I know that it is God's will for now and until I can totally depend on God for everything I am not going to be given another chance. I need to wait for God's will to be done and let go of my own. I've been learning, but it isn't the easiest learn ever. I know that learning doesn't have to be easy and most of the time it isn't, but right now I wish it was.

New Job

Just to let everyone know I need a new job. I can't handle IHOP any longer. I am so tired of the late nights and the early mornings. I am so tired that my words have begun to slur when I speak because my brain isn't functioning. I am at the point where I am willing to quit and take my chances looking for a job...I know that I can't do that though. I can't wait until I find a new job...I have an interview at the Hallmark store on Wed. That would be cool if they pay enough.

Worship

Worship at our midweek Bible Study this week was awesome!!! We lost our worship leader a couple of weeks ago and have had Chad Collins filling in for us. Itwas amazing. The kids were engaged and worshiping. I didn't have to move and sit by anyone and they honeslty seemed to enjoy the expereince. It was just great to see after a few weeks of complete disregard for worship it was very refreshing to see them engaged. It is a little helpful that Chad has an amazing gift for leading worship. I am so great ful for his help and hope that he hangs around to help out a little longer, but whatever God has. It was god to see and gave me some hope in our ministry.

Halloween Haunt

I just want to let everyone know that I despise Halloween Haunt. I am tired of working until 4am because people want to go be scared out of their minds. I mean that is fine if they want to go, but why does my resturant have to stay open that late? I don't think that we should cater to these people, most of them are very disrespectful as it is and at 3am I really don't want to be nice to anyone. Ok that is my rant. I am now off to IHOP...I don't want to go...Please help me.

I do like my internship though.

Cute

Tonight I was sitting at Starbucks reading my Creative Bible Teaching book and a couple sat down at the table next to me. I didn't mean to, but I kinda overheard their conversation and soon realized that they were on their first date. It was so cute to hear them talk to each other, ask questions and learn about each other. It was funny, too, because you could tell that they were trying to impress each other. You could hear the excitement in their voices and also how nervous they were. It made me think, remember and smile.

I thought about the last time I did that...I sat at Starbucks, too. I remember thinking how cool the guy was and being so excited. I remember the butterflies in my stomach and the occasional silences. That was fun. I do miss it, I miss the butterflies and the soft looks. It was exciting, though to see two people enjoying each other over a simple cup of coffee.