Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas!!! Let's remember the reason for this day, the real reason. Not presents or food, not even family or friends. Let's really remember the Life, Hope and Majesty that needs to be remembered on this day. So many times we forget, so let's remember, rejoice and reflect.

Let it Snow

It's snowing here in Arlington and it doesn't look like it is going to stop any time soon. I decided to go to work this morning and all that I can say is that I am glad that I made it and I'm glad that I made it home. I know that there are people who drive in snow all the time that is alot worse than what we have here, but being a girl from Orange County driving in the snow is not my forte. I am learning though and this year I seem to be liking the snow alot more than I did last year. My dog, Eli, thinks that snow is the greatest thing ever!!!

Hot, Hot, Hot

While I was back in California last week for my Grandpa's funeral, some of our volunteers here in Arlington has a habanero pepper eating contest. I watched this and laughed so hard that I was crying. The best part was the picture that was sent to me in California while at the funeral of Kenny crying from the pain of the pepper. This is awesome!!!!

One Down

Yesterday was an interesting day. Brunch with the family wasn't as awkward as I thought, but it is interesting seeing family that you haven't seen in over 10 years. My cousins have gotten married and had kids and it s just weird. Anyway it was great to hang out for the day with my cousins who are now 40 or around there. It is so weird to me that they are that old. Not that that is old, it is just out of the context that I had for them. My aunts and uncles never seem to change and it is just slightly weird trying to explain life for the last 10 years. It was good though.

I still don't understand why we have viewings. What is the point really? I felt bad thought because nobody came, so we sat there and waited for 4 hours until it was time to go home. I have to admit that I didn't even go into the room with the body. There is something about that that just doesn't seem right to. Why do we go in and look at a dead body and that gives us closure? I think that I can have closure on my own thanks. The sad thing is that nobody in my family is really upset. After talking to people I have come to realize that my whole family thinks that my grandpa was a little off and not always the nicest man in the world. I'm glad that is wasn't just me or my family, but everyone. This is still interesting because my grandpa had a strange obsession with me and everyone keeps commenting on it. It wasn't my fault. I'll tell you that right now. I never asked for my grandpa to try to kidnap me or follow me home from school.

Anyway, today is the funeral. I'm afraid that nobody is going to be there for that either. So, it is funeral, graveside service and family gathering afterword. We have to go through pictures and deal with other things, and because my mom isn't here I have to take her spot in responsibility. It is a little weird. Anyway, I just really can't wait to go home. It has been good to see family, but I am ready to be back to my life and this is funny to say, but the place that I have grown to love in Arlington.

So today I am off to a funeral and I feel bad because I am not sad and crying or anything else. I feel bed because I don't have anything to say about how great of a grandpa he was. I more feel a sense of relief that he isn't going to show up at my house or at work. That I am not looking on street corners for him. It sounds bad, but I am a little happy. I know it sounds a little demented, but I never claimed to be normal. I just hope that I don't upset people with my lack of emotion, but then nobody else seems to be torn up either. I think everyone feels a sense of relief. I know it is weird, but my family is really messed up. Well, here goes another day of weirdness. Then tomorrow I get to go home to the freezing cold of Arlington.

Interesting Times

Well this week I am home in Orange County for my grandfather's funeral. He passed away suddenly last Wednesday morning. Since the phone call last Thursday morning life has bee very interesting. Let me give you a little background on the situation. My family doesn't really talk to my mom, or she doesn't talk to them, because of this I have been out of contact with this side of my family for the last 10 years. I have talked to them on and off over this time, but nothing more than "Hi, I live in Washington." I did talk to my grandpa, but lost contact with him about 6 months ago. He stayed on my support team, but I couldn't find him. Come to find out in this time he had moved from Iowa back to California. Who knew?

Anyway, these past few days have somehow made the the liaison between my mother and the rest of the family. This has not been a good situation. My mom and sister, for their own reasons, aren't coming to the funeral which leaves me alone with these people that I barely know. This morning I am off to brunch with the family. (I didn't even know that brunch was a real thing) This is going to be an awkward couple of days. I have to spend time and socialize with people who are my family, but I really don't have the first clue as to who they are as people. I have to go to my grandfather's funeral and am honestly not a grieved as I feel I should be. I also have to deal with the will crap. All that I know about this is that I don't want to be in the middle of a bad situation with my mom and the rest of the family. Needless to say I have very mixed feelings about the next few days. I am excited to hopefully develop relationships with my family, I am sad that my grandpa is gone, I am confused about everything and nervous to step into an unknown situation. Please be praying that everything goes well.

How

Alright, so this might sound cryptic, but I will try to be as open as I can without exposing too much. I want to tell someone something. How I really feel, but I have come to realize that the social structures that we have would make that very awkward. We are already awkward as it is and saying this would either lead to more awkwardness or it could lead to potential goodness. I don't know. I always thought that by the time I was 27 I wouldn't feel so awkward about telling people my feelings on things. Oh well, I don't know what to do or if I will ever figure it out. IF anyone has any suggestions let me know.

Ventus

Saturday night at Ventus was an awesome experience. A time that really confirmed, at least in my heart, what we are do ing in Arlington. Our students stepped forward and accepted the challenge to change their lives, to hold to accountability and to pray. The time ended in a time of prayer over these students. It was truly amazing and confirming.

Egg Nog

We have a couple of kids that really love egg nog, I mean love egg nog. So we decided to honor their love and have an egg nog chugging contest. It was pretty awesome!!!

Party Like It's My Birthday

So today I turn 27. Yes I am now 27 do I look any older?

Frustration

So, over the past few weeks I have been a little frustrated. Frustrated about school, finances, friends, family; pretty much just frustrated about life. I haven't really thought much about it, just that it was part of the season and that it would go away. I figured that it was something that I was dealing with and that just had to play itself out. Apparently, though, my frustration was and is more evident than I realized. Today I had a friend sit me down and let me know that it is showing. I never realized that it was that evident to other people, that I was pretty much taking it out on other people, through the comments that I make, the tone that I respond in and even my lack of response. I don't want to be this person. I don't want to come across as frustrated and angry. I don't want it to rub off on other people. I want people to feel loved by me, by what I say and what I do. I want to be joyful, funny and kind. I want to be Christ to the people that I meet. So, I talked with my friend and we came to a few conclusions.
1. Life isn't going to be perfect. I can't let my circumstances get the best of me though. I need to trust that God is at work.
2. I need to find a worthy nemesis in my life. What does that mean? It means that I am finding people in my life to be the "evil" instead of dealing. If I am really going to have a nemesis it needs to be a darn good one and the one that I have right now isn't equal to my efforts. Therefore...no more nemesis.
3. I need to focus on what I am passionate about:
- Journeying peacefully with Christ, learning, trusting and resting in Him
- Teens, students- I love them and desperately desire for them to have and experience love, grace and peace in their lives.
- Community- I desire to be a part of a loving, open and authentic community
- Financial stability/lack of debt- That means that I work toward finishing support
In order to focus on what I am passionate about I need to let go and not blame the things that get in the way. I need to rest in the Lord and know that He is bigger than I can ever imagine and know that frustration isn't going to get me anywhere. Love, Grace and Peace need to be the focus, not frustration, anger and resentment. Therefore today I take the first step in letting go, realizing that I can't change other people, but I can change myself. Yes, people may get on my nerves and I may not agree with them, but I can love them and if I love them I am living out the passions that have been placed inside me.

Love

And so, dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God because of all he has done for you. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice—the kind he will find acceptable. This is truly the way to worship him. Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.
Because of the privilege and authority God has given me, I give each of you this warning: Don’t think you are better than you really are. Be honest in your evaluation of yourselves, measuring yourselves by the faith God has given us. Just as our bodies have many parts and each part has a special function, so it is with Christ’s body. We are many parts of one body, and we all belong to each other.

In his grace, God has given us different gifts for doing certain things well. So if God has given you the ability to prophesy, speak out with as much faith as God has given you. If your gift is serving others, serve them well. If you are a teacher, teach well. If your gift is to encourage others, be encouraging. If it is giving, give generously. If God has given you leadership ability, take the responsibility seriously. And if you have a gift for showing kindness to others, do it gladly.

Don’t just pretend to love others. Really love them. Hate what is wrong. Hold tightly to what is good. Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other. Never be lazy, but work hard and serve the Lord enthusiastically. Rejoice in our confident hope. Be patient in trouble, and keep on praying. When God’s people are in need, be ready to help them. Always be eager to practice hospitality.

Bless those who persecute you. Don’t curse them; pray that God will bless them. Be happy with those who are happy, and weep with those who weep. Live in harmony with each other. Don’t be too proud to enjoy the company of ordinary people. And don’t think you know it all!

Never pay back evil with more evil. Do things in such a way that everyone can see you are honorable. Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone.

Dear friends, never take revenge. Leave that to the righteous anger of God. For the Scriptures say,

“I will take revenge;
I will pay them back,”
says the Lord.

Instead,

“If your enemies are hungry, feed them.
If they are thirsty, give them something to drink.
In doing this, you will heap
burning coals of shame on their heads.”

Don’t let evil conquer you, but conquer evil by doing good.
Romans 12

I have been reading Romans over the past week and keep going back to this passage over and over again. What has hit me is how we love. Do I love with genuine affection? Do I love the way I should love? Do we as a people love the way we have been called to love? How can we do this? What does it take to share this type of love with people? And my ultimate question how can I teach the students that I work with to love? I mean really love?

Any thoughts?

Milk

So I had to share this. Stuart took video the other day of one of our students chugging some milk...the only problem was that the expiration date was June 10th and we found the milk on October 23rd. It was an amazing experience that I thought you all should partake in. Enjoy

Roller Coaster

The past few weeks have been really hard for me. It is like I have been on an emotional roller coaster. Going up and down, twisting and turning and as soon as I think that it is over, it changes directions and goes backwards back through the ups and downs, twists and turns. I'm tired now. I feel like I'm at that point where I just want off. I don't want to be on the ride anymore.
Over the past few weeks I have been hit hard with a few things. I was hit pretty hard with the reality of my support raising. This has been a constant struggle for me over the past year and a couple of weeks ago all the frustration came full circle and the realization of the relationship between support and time with the kids became reality.
Over this time I have also been hit hard with the realization that I am lonely. I miss my friends and family terribly. I think that it has been more frustrating because I have tried to befriend people here and it seems to be more work than it is worth. I haven't been able to find people to spend time with that really just allow me to be me. You know those people that you can just be with and there are no expectations. You don't worry about what you are going to say or what you do, but you are just completely you. I miss those friends so much that it hurts. I miss people that feel safe, that I'm not afraid of saying something that is going to offend them.
This is not to say that I don't have friends, but it just isn't the same. The people that I really do fit with and feel safe with are at a different place in life than I am. All the people that I click with are married and don't have the freedom to just hang out and spend time together. There are kids and spouses that need their time and I love that, but at the same time I feel the desperate need for people. I have never really had to try to make friends, I have always had a great group of some of the greatest friends someone could ever ask for and they are still my friends, but from two states away. That changes things.
All this to say, I miss people, I miss connections, I miss the safety of being able to do or say anything. I really do feel lonely in a way I never have before. I love being here and I love my job, but I really would love some real friends, people to connect with. I guess that I just need to keep putting the effort into friendships.

Air

Dear Lord,
Today I am tired, worn out and feel that I have finally lost my grip. I feel as if I am drowning, grasping at anything I can in search of something safe to hold onto. Something solid, something that will allow me to take in the fresh air that I so desperatly need. I feel like I get small gulps of air here and there that allow me to keep going a little longer, that allow my fight to continue, but it is getting harder and harder to muster the strength to continue trying. I'm tired and ready to rest, but rest ultimately means giving up and I stil feel the fight deep inside of me coming from somewhere that I can't explain, but every time I am about to give in that small gulp of air comes.

Lord, I need you and only you. I need you to be my strength, that something solid. I'm tired and lonely and don't know where to go from here. Please, please dear Lord, help. Breath your beauty, life, energy and strength back into me.

Prayer

I would like to ask you to please join me in prayer. One thing that I have learned over the past year is that as a family we need to be open and honest with each other with our joys as well as our burdens. I have learned that we are not called to carry the burdens of life on our own, but take them to each other as a community and allow each of us to learn and grow in all things. So today I am coming to you open and vulnerable asking you as the people in my life to pray.



The past week has been very hard for me. I have been drained emotionally, physically and spiritually. I know that God is leading us at Arlington Youth Dynamics in a new direction as the school year has begun, which is awesome and wonderful, but has also been hard. As Ventus (our Saturday night service) has begun there has been an air of anticipation and excitement around the office and among the students. It has been awesome watching them experience God in ways that they have not before, for them to see and experience the glory and beauty of the Lord, this process has also challenged me to learn to “be” with the Lord more. If I am expecting the students to be reverent before the Lord and understand the majesty of His holiness, I must also do the same. In this process I have learned that I don’t know how to be still, I have a hard time being quiet and most of all I don’t allow the time for this even if I wanted to. Most of this is do to a fear that I have of finances. I am terrified of money, debt and everything else that comes with it and with that have taken on a second job trying to make ends meet until my support raising is finished. As of now I have $750 per month to raise to be at 100% supported. This amount of money terrifies me, keeps me awake at night and honestly has contributed to me not resting.



This is just me trying to be open, honesty and vulnerable with you, my family. Please be praying. Please be praying that I will learn the line of responsibility of finances and the line of trusting in God. Please be praying that this last $750 per month comes in soon, that people will see how God really is working here in Arlington and would really want to be a part of what is happening here. Please be in prayer that the time and effort that I put into these students will be intentional, real and honest. Please be in prayer that I will learn to “be” in life.



Thank you all for everything. Thank you for believing that the Lord can move and can be heard in those small quiet places, thank you for your prayers and support. Most of all thank you for being a part of my life, I truly love you all. Thank You.

Interesting Quote

My friend LIzzy posted this quote. I found it interesting and would like to know what you think of it. What do you think about our "Christian Culture"? What about this quote? Does it make you think? It sure made me think.

"The proper distance from a culture does not take Christians out of that culture. Christians are not the insiders who have taken flight to a new "Christian culture" and become outsiders to their own culture; rather when they have responded to the call of the Gospel they have stepped, as it were, with one foot outside their own culture while the other remaining firmly planted in it. They are distant, and yet they belong....distance born out of allegiance to God and God's future...
Both distance and belonging are essential. Belonging without distance destroys...but distance without belonging isolates."

-Miroslav Volf
Exclusion and Embrace

Sorry

So, I have to tell you all that I am sorry. I am so sorry about the lack of posting. Because it has been so long since I have posted anything I will give you a run down of what has happened:

- the golf marathon happened. It went well and the golfers had fun. I golfed 50 holes before noon and have to say that I still can't figure out why in the world people find this a fun activity.

- I started school again. I am back to going full time. So I am taking four classes, foundations of Ministry, Pastoral Counseling, Preaching and History of Christianity. It is going to be an interesting semester. I am the only female in preaching class. It is amusing, I must say.

- We began a new Saturday night service that we are calling Ventus. It is a time of conversation, community and conversation. It has been going for 2 weeks now and has really been an awesome experience. Students are experiencing God in new ways. It has been great.

- I learned to love the rock. My first real rock climbing experience was not a good one. I decided from that point that I would never love to rock climb, that it was dumb and that I was better off in the water. My friend Sarah was determined to change my mindset. She was determined to make me love the rock and on Sunday this was accomplished. We went to Mt. Erie in Anacortes and it was awesome. I must say that the rock rocks!!! I still love the water though.

- Eli was diagnosed with an Autoimmune disease. For those of you who don't know I have a dog named Eli...he is my baby boy. He got really sick a couple of days ago and this morning he was really bad. His ears, nose and eyes were all grose and finally he began to walk and move around like an old man. I freaked out and after alot of crying and worrying took him to the doctor. He has an autoimmune disease. At least that is what they are thinking right now. I hope that he is going to be alright.

So that is what is going on in my life right now. Tomorrow morning I leave for the ranch for two days to be food staff and an IK guide. I hope that it goes well.

A little help please

Monday, August 25th is our annual Youth Dynamics Golf Marathon. The Golf Marathon is one of our major fundraising events for YD ministry and staff. Russ Nuss, my pastor here in Arlington, as well as my friend Alisha Stone and her sister Becky have decided to golf on my behalf. This is really exciting because the money that they raise will go directly to help in my support raising process. This money will hopefully help me to reach the goal of 100% supported. Russ has set the goal to raise at least $2500 and to golf 100 holes, Alisha and Becky have set the same. As of now there has been less response to help them than we thought there would be, meaning that they are behind reaching their goals. This marathon is really important, not only to me and the support process, but also to them.

Would you please take the time to consider sponsoring Russ or Alisha and Becky? You can either sponsor them per hole or by flat donation and all donations are tax deductible. At the bottom are links to sponsor them online. Thank you for your prayer and support. Thank you for believing in what God is doing here in Arlington and the lives that are being affected (including my own). It has been a blessing to journey with you and I can't wait to continue this journey.

Please check out our website at www.yd.org
To sponsor Alisha and Becky or Russ please go to this link and click on their name:
http://www.yd.org/donate/golf_marathon/golfers/

Undeniable

Over the past month I have had the undeniable confirmation that I am in the exact place that I need to be in for this time in my life. It has been awesome. I have come to realize how much I really love the students that I work with. I can't even explain how much they have affected my life in the the short time that I have known them. I can't explain the bond that we have or how it works, all that I can say is that it works and that it is amazing.

It's funny because I moved here, to Arlington, almost a year ago not knowing what to expect. Missing my friends and family, missing the sunshine, the beach and Wahoo's; being terrified of what was going to come next. It hasn't been an easy road either, but I have never loved what I do so much. Not only have I met amazing people, but God has drawn me in and taught me who I really am without the baggage and safety of what I have always known. I have been stretched beyond my wildest imagination. I have hung upside down off the edge of a boulder, shared my life story with those I didn't know, kayaked class four rapids, and shared my deepest fears with broken people. I have also learned about true community and what that looks like. Who it is that we should be living life with, the broken and beaten and how we are all broken and beaten. It has been an amazing year and I can't wait to see what is in store for the future.

Defeated

Today is the 4th day of my support raising trip to California and honestly I am feeling very defeated. I don't really know what else to do. I have called people and emailed people and it just seems that I can't get a hold of anyone. Today I am going to go to the restaurant that I used to work at and see if I can get a hold of the owners, but who knows. I don't know if I left on this trip expecting too much of if I haven't put in enough effort. I feel as if I am walking a hard line knowing so deep inside of me that this ministry is where I need to be, but being so frustrated with support. I so desperately want people to see my heart, the longing that I have for these students to be loved, to see Christ in them...but how does that translate when they are not there and don't see them face to face? How do I make them understand? How do you explain passion, excitement, hurt and despair?

I don't know. All that I know is that it will work somehow. No matter how defeated I may feel I must listen, be still and know that I am not in control. I must release everything that makes sense to me and learn to see life with new colors, not just black and white. I must remember that God works in ways that I don't understand. SO here goes nothing...

California

This week I am in California with one of my students on a support raising trip. It's weird because it doesn't feel right to be in California any more. Maybe I have finally become a Pacific North Westerner. I really don't know.

Honestly though, I am terrified of this week. I have a hard time support raising because I feel awkward talking to people about money. Please be praying for this week. Please be praying the people here will see the need in Arlington and want to be a part of it. Please be praying that I will be able to share the heart and passion that I have for these kids. Please be praying that I will be able to connect with the right people and for the open house that we will be having on Thursday night. Please be praying for this week.

Also, please be praying was I have a week on one on one time with an awesome student. Please pray that time will be intentional and good. I am nervous and scared about this week, but I know that God is at work and I have seen Him move more in the past few weeks than I ever have in my life...I know He is in control.

When God Shows up

So we have returned from our amazing 9 day trip down the Owyhee River in Oregon. It was an awesome trip where God showed up over and over again. I was going to sit here and tell you all the stories and amazingness when I thought about reading Stuart's blog. He actually is making videos telling the stories and since I don't have a video camera and he is already telling the stories I have decided to share with you his videos. So sit back and enjoy part one of this awesome trip.



Oh and thanks Stuart for your awesome video blogs!!!

Owhyee Here We Come

Well as of tomorrow I am off for an eight day Inflatable Kayaking trip down the Owyhee River. We are taking 5 adults and 10 students. I am excited and nervous all at the same time. I have never done anything like this. 8 days in the middle of nowhere. But this has defiantly been a year of firsts...so bring it on!!!

Thought Provoking

My friend posted this on her blog last night and I really enjoyed it. It made me think. Read it, think about it...let me know what you think.

Disturb us, Lord, when
We are too well pleased with ourselves,
When our dreams have come true
Because we have dreamed too little,
When we arrived safely
Because we sailed too close to the shore.

Disturb us, Lord, when
With the abundance of things we possess
We have lost our thirst
For the waters of life;
Having fallen in love with life,
We have ceased to dream of eternity
And in our efforts to build a new earth,
We have allowed our vision
Of the new Heaven to dim.

Disturb us, Lord, to dare more boldly,
To venture on wider seas
Where storms will show your mastery;
Where losing sight of land,
We shall find the stars.

We ask You to push back
The horizons of our hopes;
And to push into the future
In strength, courage, hope, and love.

Sir Francis Drake 1577

I need to be disturbed...What about you?

The Growth of Glory

So I have a little wager with my friend Kenny, here in Washington. Here is the deal. I have to grow my hair or glory as we like to refer to it. I have to grow my hair to my shoulders and in return he is growing a beard and cooking me dinner. I thought that it was a decent wager and thought that I would give you all some updates on the process. Kenny's beard growth doesn't begin until the second week of July, but my glory has been growing for about a month now. I think that the process is coming along very well.

This is my hair in March...


This is my hair now...

The Wall

Well after a few weeks of going non stop I have officially hit "THE WALL". What is this wall you ask? Well this is the wall of frustration and exhaustion. You see I am tired and don't want to do anything at all. I can't seem to get myself to focus on what I need to do, I want to sleep constantly and I am becoming easily frustrated. I want to cry on a regular basis and honestly just want to give up many times throughout the day.

I also feel as if I have hit a spiritual wall. Not to say that I am not journeying, but I am not as hungry to learn as I was a few weeks ago. I had a long stint where all I wanted to do was read books, dialogue with people and learn more...now I am spending more time listening, sitting and thinking. I don't really know what to think of this. I mean I believe that it is a good think to sit and listen. Psalm says to "Be still and know that I am God." Why is it though that I am having such a hard time processing my lack of enthusiasm for learning? Why do I feel as if it is bad for me to be still? Is it so ingrained in me to do that I don't know how to be?

There seems to be so much going through my head the past couple of weeks and it is an interesting process learning how to rest and be. Maybe that is just it. Maybe I need to learn how to rest and be, not go and do. Maybe the reason I feel that I have hit a wall is because I need to rest, I have hit a wall and can't go anywhere else until I take the time to listen. Maybe, just maybe God is doing something in this time, in these emotions and frustrations. Maybe learning how to listen and be is accepting these things that we don't want to deal with and journeying with them allowing them to process in the time needed. Maybe I need to change my thinking and rest.

Confusing Day

Have you ever had a day that had so much happen that you just don't know what to do, how to take the information or even what to do first? That was my day today. Let me give a little overview of what happened?

- I was offered a job at a local church as their youth and children's director.
- I was offered a job back in California with a good friend being a youth pastor.
_ I tried to get my Washington State drivers license, but was denied because I don't have enough proof that I live here. I now have to find more valid proof...in the next 90 days.
- I found out that I have stop doing as much ministry as I have been and that I have to start doing more support raising...which is hard for me to give up. I just want to be with kids and people.
- I had to go to my part time job at the Local Scoop and have come to realize that I need to get out of there. I become angry when I am there and I don't like that.

Today was a little overwhelming...not to mention the other emotional things going through my head. There is alot going on, but somehow through all the emotions and frustration I still feel peaceful and I don't know why or how, but I know that God is in control.

Indiana Jones-a-thon

Today is our Indiana Jones-a-thon. We are taking two days to watch every movie, bon fire, play games, eat food and see the New movie. I'll let you all know how it goes...I'm excited!!! I hope that the movie doesn't suck either.

Golfers wanted

Alright, so as many of you know I am a missionary with Youth Dynamics in Arlington, Washington. I work with at risk rural teens. With my missionary status comes support raising. The point behind me telling you these things is that I am in need of a golfer for our annual golf marathon. I am looking for someone who is willing to golf 100 holes on Monday August 25th and help raise money toward my being here in Arlington. This person needs to help find people to sponsor them in this effort and must be willing to commit to raising at least $25 per hold, which comes to $2500. That is the minimum needed if more is raised it would be welcomed. This person doesn't have to collect the money, just find people to pledge, we will do the rest. This person also doesn't have to be good at golf. There is also potential for prizes...including vacations. If you would like to golf or know someone who would let me know by this Friday, May 30th. If you aren't here in Washington, I will get you here. So email me at jmaher@yd.org if you have any ideas or would like to golf...I will even take this awesome golfer out to an amazing dinner.

Frustration

I don't know what it is, but lately I seem to be really frustrated. I seem to be more frustrated with myself and others. People are getting on my nerves and it is little things that are annoying me. Things that usually wouldn't bother me at all. I really don't understand why I have been so on edge. I don't like it though. I don't like feeling frustrated, on edge and angry. I desperately want to feel joyful, peaceful and content. What is it that gets us to the point of frustration? Is is exhaustion, the need for change, desiring something? I don't know...I really don't, but I wish that I knew how to change it.

Super Support Day

Today was SUPER SUPPORT RAISING DAY It was the most amazing day ever!!! Ok not so much. I have to admit that at the end of the day I don't feel as accomplished as I thought I would. I was super excited and drove up to the Co Op in Mount Vernon to write letters. (I decided that I needed a change of scenery to write well). I literally wrote letters for four hours. My hand hurt and by the time I was done I had only written ten letters. I guess that my expectations were too high expecting to write every letter I needed to in the course of a few hours.

It was a good day though. It was nice to be able to share with people back home what has been happening here in Arlington, to share stories of students and how God has been working in people's lives. The funny things is that at the end of the day I was left feeling sad. I think that writing letters to people that I saw day in and day out back home left me remembering the people I love. I am still grateful to be here though and after writing all those letters remembered how big God is.

So, SUPER SUPPORT RAISING DAY was a success, it had a few side effects, but it was good. Please be praying as these letters are sent out that the 15% in monthly that I still need to raise will come soon. And hey if you would like to help support a missionary in Arlington, WA here is a link to do so and thank you. https://www.egivingsystems.org/support/54839/index.php?acct_code=MaherJessica

Good Day

Today, I needed to be out of the office, take some time off and rest a little. So I went home, made lunch and fell asleep watching cheesy daytime tv. After that I had the brilliant idea to make banana bread. It turned out pretty well for my first time and it being gluten free. Next I cleaned my house, which was needed desperatly. By this time it was time for dinner...I made amazing chicken stir fry. It was so good. Needless to say I feel alot better than I did this morning and I am greatful for a day full of nothing really. It was awesome.

There you go, that is a recap of the day.

Evangelism

Yesterday had a discussion with someone from my Church who is attending Bible College about evangelism. This semester he is taking evangelism class and is reading all kinds of books on the topic. He informed me that he had to come to the conclusion by the end of the semester as to what the best form of evangelism is. So I asked him what he thought the "best form of evangelism" was. He began to inform as he began the class he thought that street evangelism was the best method. Now, I have to admit that when I heard this I was floored. I didn't think that anyone really thought this was a good thing. He believed that standing on a street corner telling people about the gospel was the best way to "evangelize". He then informed me that after reading and researching, though, he realized that this was indeed not the best method. I felt a glimmer of hope and asked "what is the best method, then?" He proceeded to inform me that after researching and discussing with other people that the best method of evangelism was in fact door to door evangelism. I quickly responded in dismay "you mean like Mormons or j-ho's?" He looked at me and laughed and said yes.

Our conversation continued for a while with me asking how this would work and if there would be follow-up, would relationships be built? I then expressed my view on evangelism and actually loving people, being their friends, living life with them...he looked at me like I was nuts and said "I am trying to figure out how you think. Are you postmodern?" I responded with "I guess I am, but the people you are going to meet out there think like me, they ask questions, they aren't looking for black and white answers, they are looking for more, for something real."

I left this conversation saddened. Saddened by the fact that this is what is being taught to Bible School students. Now I know that many times I am way out there and many people wouldn't agree with many of my thoughts and opinions, but I would like to know what other people think about "Evangelism". What is evangelism to you? What is the best "method"? Please share your thoughts and opinions...you won't hurt my feelings.

oops

Well it seems that I have forgotten to blog for about a month now...sorry about that. Life has gotten the best of me and remembering to blog has been something that hasn't really happened. Here is a little catch-up of what has happened...

- I have been gone almost every weekend. I have learned to river kayak, river raft, rappel and I attempted rock climbing (we are are still working on that).

- I have come to the conclusion that I love water based activities even though everyone swears that I will love rock climbing...I just had a bad first experience.

- I am still working a part time job at the Local Scoop which takes up alot of my evenings which is ok for now because I don't have any friends to hang out with who don't have kids...but one day this will change which means that I need to keep working on support raising to be at 100%. That means that one day I could have a normal life. (I have still yet to experience a "normal" life...do they even exist?)

- I went shopping with Janelle and we decorated my house. It looks awesome. I came to the realization though that I am offically an adult. I pay real rent now and have my own place...it is a little strange, but I think that I like it.

- My world has been rocked lately in contemplating what it is that the kids that I work with need. I have come to the realization that they don't need the games and events that we have always put on in youth ministry...they need my time, love, story and someone to journey through life with them. (this is the most basic level of this realization...I may post more in depth some other time.)

- We took two students with us the the Core a couple of weeks ago and it was a great time watching them realize that there is potential for them to make change happen in their world. We then took them to a sweet church in Seattle. It was awesome to spend the day with two students and just really spend time with them with no real intention except to be.

- The semester is almost over, but I still have a 20 page paper to write. It is funny because this sholdn't scare me, but somehow this concept terrifies me and in this fear I procastinate even more. It is a strange cycle. Needless to say I know what I need to write, but the writing process is still yet to begin.

Everything that has been happening around here has been tiring to say the least, but it has been awesome and I am loving every minute of it. Sorry for the quick overview, but I will try to be a little more consistent in this process.

Youth Culture

What is youth culture really? Is there really such a thing as youth culture? I have been thinking about this and have come to the conculsion that youth culture cannot be defined. I mean how would you really define such an phenomea? Youth are so different in every city and town and even within those places you have emos adn skaters, jocks and band geeks, is there really any real tie that holds all youth together? Is there anything that really defines "youth culture"? What do you think? Am I way off?

Craziness

There has been alot of craziness in my life over the last week or so. It feels like I haven't stopped to rest, take things in and look around for a while now. I haven't even had time to process life, yet I know that all that has happened over the past week or so has been awesome. Here is a little recap of what has happened.

- Last week we took 6 students on a three day road trip to Redding, California in search of In and Out Burgers. It was an awesome time of bonding. I will share more about this trip and pictures soon.

- We got back on Tues night from California and I moved on Wed. I am finally in my house and out of the trailer. It seems so big compared to the trailer for the past 5 months. It is really nice, but such a mess with boxes everywhere. It is funny though I have been without my stuff for so long I forgot what I had and have realized that I really don't even need most of it. I am in the search for a couch and kitchen table right now...I will have pictures of my house soon, also.

- Friday I left for a weekend kayak training trip on the Methow River in Eastern, Washington. It was a great trip...I made it through class 4 rapids without taking a swim. I actually didn't swim at all. It was pretty cold, so I am glad about that. I am super sore and sunburned though. (It seems that when your body hasn't seen sun in a long time you burn even easier than normal.)It really was a great trip and the people were a ton of fun. I think that I really like kayaking...I could do without the 12 layers of neoprene though. I'll have pictures of this soon, also.

Needless to say, it has been a crazy week and I am ready to rest, but everything that has happened has been good. I have been learning alot and am super excited about what is happening here in Arlington. The rest of the month is going to be just as crazy with training the next two weekends and the Core at the end of the month. I am excited though, I see God really working right now in everything that is happening, students are being effected and relationships that are being created are awesome. It is funny that even in the midst of all this craziness I feel a sense of complete peace. I know that this is where I am supposed to be right now and that feeling is so amazing.

Leadership

I am working on a paper for school looking at leadership in a postmodern church environment. I have been thinking about this alot and am having a hard time articulating what it is I am trying to say.

Here is the issue. I believe that leadership in the Church has left its roots and has become more about corporate leadership and less about holistic leadership. Leadership has become about career and goals, standards, rules, compartmentalized church rather than community and incarnational, holistic leadership.

I believe that the church needs to go back to a holistic approach if it is ever going to be effective in the world today. SO many people today are weary of corporate models and are looking for places where they are wanted and can actually be a part of something more than numbers.

So I would like to post a question to you. What do you think of church leadership? Do you like the way it is now? Does it need to change? What would it look like if it were to change? Thoughts, ideas, and questions are always welcome.

YD video

Stuart made this video for the banquet. I thought that you guys might like to see what is happening here in Arlington and what we are doing. Enjoy.

And the Results are in...

Well, this years banquet went quite well. Over all it was a great event. Our goal was to raise $30,000 dollars and right now we are at about $25,000. Which is awesome. Some people are still deciding on things also. I am now at 95% supported, which is awesome!!! I have about $390 a month left to raise to be at 100%. It is awesome to see how God has provided in this time and process. I am excited because this also means that I can cut back ours at my side job and spend some more time with the students. I have to admit that daily god continues to blow me away with what He is doing here in Arlington and the people He is using in this process.

Banquet

Today is the big day, today is Arlington Youth Dynamics annual fundraising banquet. We have been working on this for the last few weeks and it is finally here. There are still a few loose ends that need to be tied up, but other than that I think that we are ready.

Please be praying for this event tonight, please pray that people will want to be a part of the ministry here in Arlington and become a part of our support team. Our goal is to raise $30, 000 for our ministry to run here in Arlington. Please also be praying because 3 table are dedicated to my support. As of now I need $800 a month to be at 100%. Please pray that people will be a part of my being here in Arlington. Please pray that people will have a good time and that we get everything done.

How to catch a polar bear

So my Step dad likes to take pictures and photo shop them and make strange pictures. I found this amusing and thought that I would share it. In case anyone ever wanted to know how to catch a polar bear...he has given you 3 easy steps. And please don't forget the very last and most important step....RUN!!!!

Random Question

So here is my random question of the day...when you meet someone new and you think that they are pretty cool...when is is ok to ask them to hang out sometime? Is it ever not awkward at this point? How do you make this exchange less awkward? Do you have to see each other a few times before it is ok to ask to hang out? Ok I am done with the questions for now...anyone have any input?

Relationships

"When you summarise the Great Commandment with one word, it would be relationships. Nothing matters more to God than relationhsips.
They are the source and context for eternal life. Having right
relationship with God results in having relationships with others."
- Erwin McManus

Rhythm

"The song is playing all around us all the time, the song is playing everywhere,
it's written on our hearts, and everybody is playing the song. See the
question isn't whether or not you're playing the song, the question is 'Are you
in tune?'" - Rob Bell

I recently watched the Nooma video "Rhythm" which related God to a song with different parts all working together to create a beautiful, masterful piece of music. The type of music that reaches deep into your core, the music that you can't help but feel. We are all a part of this orchestra, but the issue is if we are intune with the music or not. Christ's song is one of love, compassion, acceptance, authenticity, passion, desire, creation and hope. How many of us live intune with this song? Does our song sometimes consist more of judgement, condemnation, and hate? How much does our being out of tune mess up the beauty of the song that is on our hearts?

"Maybe you have this sense like you have no sort of relationship with God
because of all these things, these ideas you have about what that means, all these things that you've been told about what is or what isn't. And an
infinite, massive, kind of invisible God, that's hard to get our minds
around, but truth, love, grace, mercy, justice, compassion- the way that
Jesus lived, I can see that. I can understand that. I can relate to that. I
can play that song."- Rob Bell

So my question to you is are you intune with God's song? Can you hear
it, feel it, live it? Or are you still out of tune squeeking and making people cover their ears?

My new Fashion Accessories

A friend sent this to me. It is amazing...I didn't even know what to say except "WOW". I am running out to get mine today!!! Gotta look good for Jesus.

Worth thinking about

"The greatest enemy to the movement of Jesus Christ is Christianity."-
Erwin Raphael McManus

And the race continues

Do you ever feel like you are in a never ending race? It just keeps going and going and you never see the finish line? Your body begins to get tired and you feel as if you are never going to make it until the end?

When I swam in high school I remember this feeling very well. The first couple laps would be awesome and I would feel as if I could keep going forever, but then a few laps into it my body would become drained of oxygen, my muscles would become tired and I would become weak. I would begin talking to myself, telling myself that I was going to make it, that I could finish the race. I would remind myself that I had been training for this and had done it a million times. Each time I would hit the wall I could hear my friends and coaches cheering and somehow it would give a little bit of energy to go another lap. That final lap was always the worst though, because I would put all the energy that I had left into it, pushing and yelling until I would stretch my entire body to reach for the wall at the very end. Finishing was amazing, but I remember that I would be so tired that sometimes I wouldn't even be able to get myself out of the pool.

My life feels like that right now. I feel like I keep going and somehow every day make it though even though I really don't know how. Those little conversations of encouragement, the yells and screams that are heard through muffled water. The small voice of the Lord guiding me through another day, not knowing how I keep going. I am tired, my body feels weak and my mind is going in twelve different directions. There seems to be no end to this race, the month is young and so much needs to happen, but somehow I continue and I know that it is not through my own strength that it happens. I have to say that God is amazing and His small voice, simple words and amazing love and hope provide what is needed to keep enough energy to finish this race. When will this race be over and the next one start, I don't know, but I do know that He has prepared me for this one and I can finish even when every fiber of my being says other wise.

I know the Lord is always with me.
I will not be shaken, for he is right beside me. Psalm 16:8

Completely Content

I have come to realize over the past few days that I am completely content with my life right now. It is awesome. I don't feel as if I need anything more than what I have here and now. I have found it completely amazing how God continues to work in ways that I will never understand and leaves us totally at peace even when the surrounding circumstances say that we should not be at peace at all.
I mean to be completely honest I am living in a strange place, in a trailer with my dog where it is very cold most of the time. I don't really know anyone except married people and the prospects of friends or even dates are very slim. I mean people are a little strange out here sometimes. I really don't have much money and I work alot.
The funny thing is that I love it. I love the people that I have met and am friends with. I work with a great friend, and I love every minute of ministry. I am also completely happy and content being single. I have come to realize that other people are more concerned with it than I am. I am not looking at the past and longing to be there, but am excited about the future and what God is doing in it. I love the excitement of what is around the next corner and I have to say that the view here in Arlington is beautiful. The only complaint that I do have is that things close way too early around here. Seriously Starbucks closing at 8pm...come on now.
Anyway, it is an amazing feeling to be so content and excited. I think that this is the first time in my life where I am not searching for more or the next thing, but am happy growing in God and learning each day more and more about His vast and amazing love and hope. It is awesome and I hope that everyone is able to experience it at some point in their life.

Newsletter

I am getting ready to send out my quarterly newsletter. It is an awesome way to see what has been going on here in Arlington, Washington with Youth Dynamics. If there is anyone who doesn't already recieve my newsletter and would like to let me know. Send me an email and I will get you on my mailing list. It is a great way to stay connected and know what our prayer needs are up here also. Email me at jmaher@yd.org if you are interested.

I also send out periodic email updates, if you are interested in recieving those let me know and I will get you on that list.

There are awesome things happening here and I don't want you to miss out.

Passion

How is it that some people can live with what seems like no passions in life at all? How can a person live and just not care about anything at all? What drives this person? What makes them get up day after day? I just don't understand.

And We're Back

We came home last night from our snow retreat at Stonewater Ranch. It was an awesome time of snow, tubes, conversations, snow kitchens, new relationships, Christ and sleep deprivation. I really feel like this was a successful weekend. God moved and I believe that many of the relationships that were began are the beginning of a new journey with God. I hope that as the students came out of this weekend that they will choose to take the step and not look back. I pray that they will not come back with a mountain top experience that fades away, but that decisions that were made will be like decisions. I will have pictures soon as well as some great stories as soon as my brain starts functioning again in a coherent fashion...so I am apologizing now if this makes no sense at all.

Snow

We are off Stonewater Ranch this weekend for our snow retreat. I am really excited for this time. We are taking about 15-20 kids and are hoping for a good time. The focus this weekend is Story and the fact that we all have one. I am excited for students to hear that everyone hasn't come from an easy life and that God has written us into his awesome, amazing and wonderful story. I am also excited for sometime of real conversation. Please pray while we are gone that God will guide the weekend, the conversations and the time. Please pray that God will be able to take hold of the hearts of some of these students and help them to realize that they are worth something, that they have a purpose and that they are loved.

inevitable

Have you ever heard news about someone that you knew was inevitable, but still hits you hard? That happened today. It isn't bad per say, just something that you never really wanted to hear or that you knew you would hear, but always wanted to avoid. I always wanted to avoid this, but avoidance isn't the answer to life, living is and I am living. With living comes emotion which sucks most of the time, but reminds me that I am living and I love that part of it. So hear goes the inevitable that can't be avoided...

Rest

Resting has not always been something that I have been good at. I have always been one to go, go , go and not stop until I have been kicked in the face. I am now coming to realize how vital rest is and how much I lack it. I mean I get enough sleep. I don't need to rest in that sense, but more in the way I live life. Not adding more onto my plate because I think that I can handle it, not trying to do more that I should, but taking time to sit and be still. To be quiet and alone, to enjoy life and not make everything about having to get something done.

Beginning today I am going to be making the choice to learn how to rest, how to enjoy life and live life to the fullest, enjoying life and not making it a burden. I believe that God has given me this life as a gift and it needs to be enjoyed. Beginning today I am looking for that really cool rest area in my life where it is beautiful, sunny and hopefully has clean facilities.

So my question is how do you rest? Do you rest? What do you think rest is? Let's talk.

Stuart Tagged me

01. One book that changed your life
Boundaries by John Townsend and Henry Cloud
02. One book that you’ve read more than once
Across Five Aprils by Irene Hunt
03. One book you’d want on a desert island
Camping and Wilderness Survival...I would have to agree with Stuart on this one
04. Two books that made you laugh
Left Behind by Jerry B. Jenkins and Tim Lehaye (it is seriously cheesy)
Where the Sidewalk Ends by Shel Silverstein (this is just an awesome book)
05. One book that made you cry
Story by Steven James
I have to add one more...Where the Red Fern Grows by Wilson Rawls
06. One book that you wish had been written
How to stay out of the middle of Family drama
07. One book that you wish had never been written
Animal Farm by George Orwell
08. Two books you’re currently reading
Management Essentials for Christian Ministries by Michael Anthony and James Estep, Jr.
Never the Same by Steven James
09. One book you’ve been meaning to read
Sex God by Rob Bell
10. Now tag five (or so) people:Jess, Noelle, Morgan, and Lucas.

Before I die

A while back I made a list of things that I would like to do before I die. I am working on this being a list of at least 100 things, right now it is at 60. I posted this list in 2006 and am still working on it, so here are the first 60 and I will have the rest very soon. Oh and the cool thing is that some of these have been accomplished in the past year...



1. Go to India

2. Get married

3. Have kids

4. Speak at an event

5. Earn my maters degree (this will be done in about a year)

6. Go to San Francisco (I will be there next week)

7. Go to Ireland

8. Do missions work in another country (I went on three trips to Mexico this summer...I would still like to do more though)

9. Have at least one year with one Sabbath day a week

10. Write my mom a letter expressing my gratitude

11. Live somewhere besides Orange County, CA (I have moved to Arlington, WA)

12. Meet the love of my life

13. Write a book

14. Work at a summer camp

15. Be content with who God has made me (I have gotten closer to this)

16. Camp in Yosemite (I spent a night there this summer and Katelynn and I are planning on a trip this summer.)

17. Own a home (with a red door)

18. Write a letter to my children declaring my love.

19. Ride my bike down the California Coast

20. Kiss my husband on top of a mountain

21. Write good youth Bible Study curriculum (this could be potentially happening very soon)

22. Home school my children for one year (at least).

23. Raise my children (not let the school)

24. Disciple (this is happening in many different ways)

25. Be a disciple (God has been working on me with this and it has been awesome!!!)

26. Befriend an enemy

27. Share God's amazing love with students (that is my job now...how cool is that?)

28. Create a photo mural

29. Drive across the country

30. Jet ski

31. Para sail

32. Backpack

33. Take pictures of God's amazing creation and create a book.

34. Take students on a mission trip (I took the young adults and the youth this summer to Mexico...it was really awesome. I am ready to go again.)

35. Take time to experience Creation

36. Make an effort to show girls that they are beautiful

37. Do disaster relief

38. Wear a size 9

39. Read the Grapes of Wrath

40. Develop a Camp

41. Learn not to worry

42. Learn to play the guitar

43. Learn to play the piano

44. Give something that is important to me to another person

45. Write Nell a letter to tell her how much I love her and what an amazing friend she has been

46. Fly the para plane

47. Drive the entire West Coast (I almost did that from Orange County to Arlington...not quite though)

48. Take Katelynn on vacation

49. Play Tyrone at my wedding

50. Get to know my nieces

51. Get a doctorate degree

52. Fast

53. Create a strong prayer life

54. Create a strong quiet time

55. Learn to be still before the Lord

56. Tithe regularly

57. Love

58. Be loved

59. Live an honoring life to God.

60. Learn to listen to God.

It is really awesome what happens in a year. There has been alot that I have learned and done this year and the exciting thing is that there is still more. I will have the rest of my list soon. What about you? What would you like to do before you die?