So I had to share this. Stuart took video the other day of one of our students chugging some milk...the only problem was that the expiration date was June 10th and we found the milk on October 23rd. It was an amazing experience that I thought you all should partake in. Enjoy
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Monday, October 20, 2008
Roller Coaster
The past few weeks have been really hard for me. It is like I have been on an emotional roller coaster. Going up and down, twisting and turning and as soon as I think that it is over, it changes directions and goes backwards back through the ups and downs, twists and turns. I'm tired now. I feel like I'm at that point where I just want off. I don't want to be on the ride anymore.
Over the past few weeks I have been hit hard with a few things. I was hit pretty hard with the reality of my support raising. This has been a constant struggle for me over the past year and a couple of weeks ago all the frustration came full circle and the realization of the relationship between support and time with the kids became reality.
Over this time I have also been hit hard with the realization that I am lonely. I miss my friends and family terribly. I think that it has been more frustrating because I have tried to befriend people here and it seems to be more work than it is worth. I haven't been able to find people to spend time with that really just allow me to be me. You know those people that you can just be with and there are no expectations. You don't worry about what you are going to say or what you do, but you are just completely you. I miss those friends so much that it hurts. I miss people that feel safe, that I'm not afraid of saying something that is going to offend them.
This is not to say that I don't have friends, but it just isn't the same. The people that I really do fit with and feel safe with are at a different place in life than I am. All the people that I click with are married and don't have the freedom to just hang out and spend time together. There are kids and spouses that need their time and I love that, but at the same time I feel the desperate need for people. I have never really had to try to make friends, I have always had a great group of some of the greatest friends someone could ever ask for and they are still my friends, but from two states away. That changes things.
All this to say, I miss people, I miss connections, I miss the safety of being able to do or say anything. I really do feel lonely in a way I never have before. I love being here and I love my job, but I really would love some real friends, people to connect with. I guess that I just need to keep putting the effort into friendships.
Over the past few weeks I have been hit hard with a few things. I was hit pretty hard with the reality of my support raising. This has been a constant struggle for me over the past year and a couple of weeks ago all the frustration came full circle and the realization of the relationship between support and time with the kids became reality.
Over this time I have also been hit hard with the realization that I am lonely. I miss my friends and family terribly. I think that it has been more frustrating because I have tried to befriend people here and it seems to be more work than it is worth. I haven't been able to find people to spend time with that really just allow me to be me. You know those people that you can just be with and there are no expectations. You don't worry about what you are going to say or what you do, but you are just completely you. I miss those friends so much that it hurts. I miss people that feel safe, that I'm not afraid of saying something that is going to offend them.
This is not to say that I don't have friends, but it just isn't the same. The people that I really do fit with and feel safe with are at a different place in life than I am. All the people that I click with are married and don't have the freedom to just hang out and spend time together. There are kids and spouses that need their time and I love that, but at the same time I feel the desperate need for people. I have never really had to try to make friends, I have always had a great group of some of the greatest friends someone could ever ask for and they are still my friends, but from two states away. That changes things.
All this to say, I miss people, I miss connections, I miss the safety of being able to do or say anything. I really do feel lonely in a way I never have before. I love being here and I love my job, but I really would love some real friends, people to connect with. I guess that I just need to keep putting the effort into friendships.
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Air
Dear Lord,
Today I am tired, worn out and feel that I have finally lost my grip. I feel as if I am drowning, grasping at anything I can in search of something safe to hold onto. Something solid, something that will allow me to take in the fresh air that I so desperatly need. I feel like I get small gulps of air here and there that allow me to keep going a little longer, that allow my fight to continue, but it is getting harder and harder to muster the strength to continue trying. I'm tired and ready to rest, but rest ultimately means giving up and I stil feel the fight deep inside of me coming from somewhere that I can't explain, but every time I am about to give in that small gulp of air comes.
Lord, I need you and only you. I need you to be my strength, that something solid. I'm tired and lonely and don't know where to go from here. Please, please dear Lord, help. Breath your beauty, life, energy and strength back into me.
Today I am tired, worn out and feel that I have finally lost my grip. I feel as if I am drowning, grasping at anything I can in search of something safe to hold onto. Something solid, something that will allow me to take in the fresh air that I so desperatly need. I feel like I get small gulps of air here and there that allow me to keep going a little longer, that allow my fight to continue, but it is getting harder and harder to muster the strength to continue trying. I'm tired and ready to rest, but rest ultimately means giving up and I stil feel the fight deep inside of me coming from somewhere that I can't explain, but every time I am about to give in that small gulp of air comes.
Lord, I need you and only you. I need you to be my strength, that something solid. I'm tired and lonely and don't know where to go from here. Please, please dear Lord, help. Breath your beauty, life, energy and strength back into me.
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